Sighs, with love;

Not mine. From Giphy

I’m always on this journey of growth. We all are. We’re always finding ways to define ourselves as we age. In fact with every increase in numbers that remind us of how long we have exist in this life, we’re always trying to redefine. (Okay so today, life to me means, many times of redefining ourselves.)

This blog I’m subscribed to, brought up this thing about how she pictures her relationship to be. She wants a matured relationship. A relationship that doesn’t consist of flutters every minute, because there’s trust. Like, you know the ones we all will experience after marriage. It perhaps goes like, “Oh god why did I wake up to you again, but oh well you’re the person that saves me from insanity, so I guess I have to make you breakfast after this…” I pictured the conversation would turn out that way.

And she mentioned something along the lines of not wanting the giddiness of love. And that struck me. And at that moment, I decided that I too, want that kind of love. I want to be in a state where I feel secured and independent but at the same time know that he has my back all the time, even if he hasn’t utter sweet words to me in a while. I want to stay out of that giddiness.

Is that possible?



My own tank of moments

(Gif is not mine. From Giphy)

Am I considered selfish to savour precious moments and only keep them to myself? It’s really nice when people share theirs over the social medias, but I just couldn’t do that 90% of the time. I treat these moments like our own little secrets. Let me purely enjoy those moments, take in whatever feelings they give, and soak them in. Sometimes I felt the need to fish out my phone/camera and record everything. But at times, I just wanted to be in the present and feel as much as I can before they become fleeting memories.

If we ever go out together, and you catch me dreaming or just observing the situation, completely lost or silent, that means I’m capturing the moment.


I’m still relishing the date I had yesterday as I write this down. So fun, a day full of adventure, laughters, stories, full tummies and insect bites around a place in the country that I have not ventured before. It’s so true isn’t it when they say you gotta find the right company to have fun with. The place doesn’t matter when you are with the best.



(Not mine)

What do you do when you’ve felt too much love, that you feel suffocated?

Or maybe you took things too fast?

Or maybe you sort of force things to happen when seemingly things are going good because you’re scared, that you’ll never feel like that again?

You let it go. Let go of that tight grip. 

Loosen it.

Let things fall in place naturally. Let God do His plans. 

Let love grow organically.

Because love won’t tell you to stop. Because it is about respect and tolerance, that love won’t nudge you, or psstttt you and tell you what’s going on. It is in the moment, when you reflect upon how you treat the love, that it’ll drop some hints. It’s in the gut feelings, deep down. 

Treat love with dignity, and justice. Know the true meaning of love and what it is based on. Go back to the roots of love and change. Change the way you’ve been treating love, while you can.

And as for me, love stems upon continuous effort of giving happiness to the loved ones. And if that means stepping out of my own norm, I will try my best. Never to change but to adapt.


Leap of Faith

For the past weeks, I’ve been letting myself experience new things. Been pushing myself off my limits, went out of my comfort zone to try out new things by myself, and going for or after things past my huge irksome ego. That sums up most of my February. It concluded in the most unexpected way. In spite of carefully planning how the course of the month should go by, like I always do anyway, the month caught me off guard this time.

With regards to me taking manual driving lessons, surprisingly, I have gotten used to the handling the clutch and gears, two extra skills required for manual drivers. I have proven to myself most importantly that, despite what others have said, women can drive a manual car. And I am already at that stage of making U-turns at heavy traffics now. Not so close to completing the course yet, but I am halfway there.

As the introverted person I am, I tend to avoid socialising. Especially with strangers, or those whom I looked up a lot to. There is something terrifying about striking up even the most decent topic I could think up of. But my curiosity got the better of me, and I went ahead with RSVP-ing for The Shawl Label’s Tea Party, and attending another of Al-Qudwah Academy’s Masterclass alone, last weekend. Frequently for my case, going alone means I have to make new friends.

Processed with VSCOcam with c1 preset

See, I love to challenge myself. I have never went to a ‘tea party’ before, so clearly, I do not know what to expect of the event. The thought of giving the event a miss was very tempting. Thankfully, the tea party was not too fancy. Pretty laid back event, but yeah, I had to socialise and mingle around, or I would look like a loser (Seriously! I mean who comes to a social event and just sit in a corner right?). As I joined a group of  ladies who have started the watercoloring session, I was soaked into their conversation. We did a little introduction of ourselves in a bit, and guess what? These ladies had their own spectacular stories to share. One went on a trip to the White Desert in Egypt, and actually stayed in a tent, in the middle of the desert! She told us how she teared up when the sun set, because she was too stunned by the magnificence of God’s creation. Aside from that, her job is really awesome. She deals with dead bodies, and give tickets to those who passed the red lights. I have only seen people with such occupation on TVs, but not actually know in person. So that was really an eye-opener. Raudhah, the watercoloring guru, brought us all into her past journey on learning and appreciating Islam. She used to work in the fashion industry, dealt with different models, in all sorts of wears. There would be days when she had a small talk with the models, and they would tell her what life meant to them. Then one day, she decided to don the hijab. But with the hijab, she knew she then carried the identity of her Faith. And out of respect, she had to work up her courage, and be daring to say no to working with male wears and models. Not long after, she put a stop to that career, and got back into her watercoloring career.

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Mind you, those were a lot to take in. I came with the littlest expectation of getting moved by Aida, the event organiser, also the one behind The Shawl Label. But these ladies overwhelmed me. Everyone is on their own different paths to success, but we all share the same goal. Which is to getting closer to God, to better understand our religion, and to embrace our sisterhood in Islam. Because in whatever we do, they have to serve and remind us of our religion, one way or another.  Soon after, the room was filled with beautiful ladies, which includes Aida herself. We hugged, exchanged greetings, and went straight into talking about my recent email to her. It is really heartwarming to meet the person behind this huge movement going on in the community. Emailing to her and talking face to face are two different things. Thus I am super glad I met her. She is just like one of us, but she’s made of a whole bits of pieces, and stood strong with it.

The day after, I had a Masterclass by Al-Qudwah Academy to attend. The topic discussed was about the Prophet’s Last Words. From his sermons, to the last words he uttered. It was a little emotional because of the struggles he went through yet he did not stop trying. When he was frail and weak, he tried his best to advise his companions on individual responsibilities and community rights. Even when Rasulullah S.A.W had a high fever, he made huge efforts to get up and lead the prayers. He was so concerned about his Ummah, that he asked his companions after one of his farewell sermons if he had done enough as a Prophet! Masya Allah. Who are we to think we know much about our religion when he had to ask if he had given enough guidance to us. On his last day, when his companions thought he was going to lead the prayers because the veil to his room was lifted, he looked at them from his room, smiled at them, and went back in, closing the curtain. It was said that Rasulullah S.A.W wanted to see his companions and embrace them for the last time. I thought that was really sweet. And when he finally passed away, some Sahabahs could not take in the news. Sayyidina Umar, the warrior, threatened to kill anyone who said the Prophet has passed away, because he wanted to believe that it was just a lie. Bilal bin Rabbah, the muazdin back when Rasulullah was alive, had to migrate to Syria for a couple of years because he was so in grieve. He could not stay in places that reminded him of the Prophet. Even Ustaz Taufiq, who led the Masterclass, teared up. My love for Rasulullah S.A.W grew even more.

I met with a lovely lady, Shidah, whom I have only known online previously at the Masterclass. We went back together after the Masterclass ended, since we reside in the North/West side of the country. Throughout the journey home, we had very long conversations about each other, and about the religion. All I could say about her is that, she is an inspiring lady, full of words of wisdom and has a huge passion for the religion. It made me rethink about how I view the religion, what being a Muslim means, and how I practice being one. Growing up from a Madrasah environment meant nothing when you take it for granted. And that was one of my many mistakes. I learned most of the subjects thought for the sake of passing the exams, and not beyond. I would probably fail at enticing anyone into joining the religion, but she would definitely ace it. Because when she explained certain things, I could see that it all came from her heart. And that is beautiful.

I am very grateful and contented with where I am now. Putting myself in this environment, surrounding myself with places and people that bring me closer to God. Being able to realign myself to the right path in this month is I think, the best gift ever. I would never have landed into these without the occurrence of certain matters. Hence no matter how bad the past was, Allah made it happen because of great reasons.

May Allah fill our hearts with His love, and May He pour his Mercy onto us, because we are humans and we make mistakes. Be the best Khalifah, but always be humble!

TC, and Wassalam.


Some of my favourite Youtubers

Just a bunch of people behind the screens that got me going. You know how certain people can just brighten up your day. Like man, they be giving me some boost in energy or something, and I would leave, so inspired to start the day with something good! Be it irl or on screens, if I get that snap, I get it. Here now I’m going to talk about a few Youtubers whom I love and adore so much because they make me want to grow into a better person.

1. Niomi Smart

She’s like an all-in-one package. Really down to Earth, and I cannot fathom how amazing she is?? Always getting me to try healthy snacks/food/regimes. I love how simple her videos are, and her video content is totally on point! They’re what I’d expect to see or know from most Youtube vloggers honestly. I could tell that she has this strong personality that I want to achieve one day.

2. Gigi Gorgeous

No, don’t you think that way. Yes, I love her, and no I do not see her as the ideal person I’d want to be because she’s way more ladylike than I am. Really sad, haha. Anyway, she’s super sassy, really humble, and she’s a strong woman. It’s like if you get on her nerves, she’ll know how to handle you (in a nice way). Her self-confident is unbelievable, I mean come on, she uses ‘GregoryGORGEOUS’ as her user ID on Youtube. Enjoying some of her videos is a huge understatement, not kidding. Especially her ‘story time’ and ‘monthly favourites’ videos.

3. Icovetheeeeeee

I know I spelt that wrong but can’t you see how excited I am with that extended ‘e’s?! One of my favourite makeup Youtuber! She’s absolutely stunning, and her makeup direction’s what I have always been looking for. Simple yet not too pale. And boy, she does really have a great skin complexion (and hot accent).

4. SORTED Food

If you love food and you want a great conversation going on during the whole video then do watch their fantastic food recipe videos! I love how it revolves around those 4 guys; the chef and the ‘puppets’ haha! No I mean literally, the other 3 are only there to give the videos more vibe and colour. It’s an all-rounded concept that makes them unique in my opinion. Simple recipes, funny people, always a joy to watch them.

5. Leroy Sanchez

Man, his voice is the shits. I don’t know if it’s a coincidence but most of his covers are unique. I’m the kind to really spend some time finding covers that stand out from the rest. They should have their own originality to them, and of course they must sound just as good as the original. And to find out that I love most of his covers is really…something?

6. Clothes Encounters

She’s one of the few that remind me of how Youtubers are just like other humans out there. No one’s that perfect, and what I love about her is (ofcourse her fashion style and makeup but apart from that) that she’s always sharing tips and advices that her viewers can relate to. It’s nice to know that she wasn’t just quoting it from anyone but of her own experiences in life. A bubbly person, a friend I would want to have!

7. The Domestic Geek

For the recent weeks, I’m all about healthy eating. I’ve only found out about this channel, few weeks back when I was searching for healthy smoothie recipes (If I can recall well.). Ever since, I have been so interested in all her recipe videos. So vibrant and appealing, and they’re all catered to people like me who are getting conscious at what goes into my mouth.

These are my current favourite’s list though. There are a few more worth listing down but I better move on before I lost the need to post this. I want to get into a deeper topic now but I think I shall save that for next time and catch up on a series! Won’t be around much soon, though.

I just miss school and my school friends. I hate how we’re not that as bonded as we used to be. Things can change that quick, and at this rate I shouldn’t be so surprised the next time anything just flip within a split moment. Getting nostalgic, not good.


This might be a start

I’ve got so much emotions for the last two days.

My immense love for music resurfaced. I was super impressed by the music done by SP’s DMAT students. Then comes that envy, because I could have gotten the same opportunity. I could have created my own music. But oh wells..

All in all, the quality of their music is beyond my expectation honestly.

I felt that I should give more support for local music talent, and so right now, I’m not sure if I should attend their performance later on tonight.

I don’t know anyone who would want to accompany me though…