My own tank of moments


(Gif is not mine. From Giphy)

Am I considered selfish to savour precious moments and only keep them to myself? It’s really nice when people share theirs over the social medias, but I just couldn’t do that 90% of the time. I treat these moments like our own little secrets. Let me purely enjoy those moments, take in whatever feelings they give, and soak them in. Sometimes I felt the need to fish out my phone/camera and record everything. But at times, I just wanted to be in the present and feel as much as I can before they become fleeting memories.

If we ever go out together, and you catch me dreaming or just observing the situation, completely lost or silent, that means I’m capturing the moment.

//

I’m still relishing the date I had yesterday as I write this down. So fun, a day full of adventure, laughters, stories, full tummies and insect bites around a place in the country that I have not ventured before. It’s so true isn’t it when they say you gotta find the right company to have fun with. The place doesn’t matter when you are with the best.

TC&Wassalam

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Sources of inspiration

(Not mine. From Giphy)

Wow, it took me this long to realise I’ve actually gotten inspired from soooo many things! It was past midnight and I was reading this post on how art directors get inspired from and then do I realise that, some were similar to mine. Lemme list them:

1) Screenshots a habit: Um I have a confession. I do stalk people and accounts on Instagram( who doesn’t) and actually screenshots when needed. When it comes to this, I’ve got balls to let it be known that I did screenshot your posts hahah! Instagram notifies users when their stuff are being screenshot(ted) right? I mean unless you are insecure about what you put online then you should not be worried. I do this to friends, designers, design brands, random accounts. I screenshot what they’re wearing or using, their techniques, the colours, the places,  tbh anything that counts as tips and tricks. For example, my friend went to a pretty place for picnic, so I would just screenshot that Instagram story. Makes things easier right? Another reason was that I’m too shy to ask.

2)Reading online articles/blogs: I have this habit of reading online posts of interesting topics about culture or current issues to food and discoveries at night before bed. The things I learn actually inspires me to think differently and be more empathetic towards people/animals/things. I avoid reading tragic stories because I feel too much. Yesterday I was reading about Scott Disick and Sophie Richie and how her dad doesn’t seem to like how the relationship was going because of who Scott is. And Sophie looks so matured and she’s just so fine PDA-ing with a dad. I don’t just read from one article, I actually Googled who Scott and Sophie are, etc. 

3) Going out with myself: Either I’m bad with friendships or I just enjoy alone time without having to make plans, yeah I’m used to doing things alone. Like going to design or social events alone, went to a restaurant once by myself, watched movies  and shopped alone too. It’s becoming a thing and I actually feel like a loner sometimes but it makes me feel free and a little like an adventurer. Maybe because it takes courage to do so or because the priority is me. But being by myself allows me to absorb my surroundings like I’m a traveller, taking things on my own pace, observing and think alot about life and perspectives. It gives me room to breathe and think.

4) Youtube! : We all already know Youtube is like the alternative for Google for those visual people. If you can’t be bothered Googling how to do things, you can just search it up on Youtube and it’s all there. Tutorials, reviews, vlogs, random things like Good Mythical Morning videos are my kinda range. I’ve my own subcribed list of Youtubers who have awesome personalities and perspectives who I take inspiration from. Did mention a few on my previous posts though so go check them out. But yeah I’m a visual person and I like to cut the chase and not having to mentally visualise the techniques etc so Youtube does the job. 

5) Colours of buildings: I have this recent fascination of just admiring buildings that have really nice colour coordination! And it gives me inspiration of possible colour combinations. Often I would forget or too embarrassed to snap a shot of the buildings so it’s something I want to work on. 

6) I like people watching: Oh this is one of my favourite pastimes when I’m on the public transports other than dozing off. It’s just so nice to see people’s faces and bodies, what they might be up to, who they are, why they’re behaving that way. It intrigues me. I was in the train on the way back home and I stood infront of a Filipino lady who was leaning at her supposed Bangladeshi boyfriend. And her ‘boyfriend’ was holding hands with another Bangladeshi guy sitting beside him. It’s only because I researched about Bangladeshi migrant workers for my school project that I understood the situation. Holding a fellow mate’s hand to them signifies how they are truly brothers who have each others’ backs. Its a symbol of true friendship. While the relationship of the lady and the guy is an ongoing reality of what’s happening to migrant workers in Singapore when they are longing for love. It’s interesting isn’t it? Love, life, people, culture.

7) Music gives me vibes: I’m someone who feels alot. Emotional. I simply love how melodies and tunes without vocals are just enough to tell the stories behind the songs. Music can make me cry, laugh, motivated, everything on the list. And it is one of my way of escaping creative blocks or reviving the uninspired me. I would listen to songs, play it on my ukulele, and sing along. I’m truly blessed to be able to sing so I tend to entertain myself. If songs do struck me in a way, I would search up the meanings behind the songs, understand the words, and ultimately understand the song and the way it is produced. You know what, I’m so amazed at how singers are so brave to share parts of their lives to people. We’re talking about thousands of people they’re sharing their personal stories too. I was watching Carpool Karaoke with Miley Cyrus as the guest star. She already has an outstanding and powerful voice that I admire. But the thing that captured my heart was how honest she was with her music and she did admit the courses of her life as her music progresses. She did songs certain ways according to her state of mind and health. It’s so beautiful then when she sang to her songs because they are so true to ther words and emotions, so raw and honest. I love and envy that. I truly envy people with character.

8) I talk to mysef alot: Last but not least, it’s this bad habit of mine. I talk to myself alot. Sometimes aloud. I always imagine discussing issues with imaginary people. Like I would imagine being interviewed and I would discuss about my perspectives on the issues. It helps me think critically though this habit should be stopped because it is creeping me out. And this happens every day. Sometimes I would do it unconsciously while showering and I would stop halfway and tell myself(or my mind) to shut up. It can be exhausting. But yeah it trains me to think deeply of issues or anything tbh. Anything that was on my mind. 

Okay I started off this post, so eager to pin down the points and now I’m struggling to end this lengthy post. I tend to overlook what I do. Maybe I need to pace things out and actually live in the moment to truly absorbed what I have been doing. And be more confident and be in the state of awareness. 

Be more confident Sabie!

TC&Wassalam

First vlog and found vibe

Haiiiiii guys. Okay, I’ve been longing to update about things that’s happening but ya know this isn’t on my priority list, so yeah.

FIRST UP, my first vlog is UP on the net. Private, ofcourse. So this is the plan. I’ll only provide links to my vlogs through this blog. So here’s my first ever vlog, don’t hate but appreciate because I’m new to this.

(Excuse while I experiment with colour correcting on my videos!)

Oh and guess what, I’m slowly starting to form my own vibe. Heck I don’t know if it’s legit a thing to commit, but as of now, yeah I’m so certain. So I’m back on my feet editing resumes and stuff. I just need to get a job to make everything going. So that’s on my TOP priority list right now.

I can’t comprehend nor digest this recent infatuation for art. Like I’m starting to love art, which used to be something foreign to me, that I struggled to sort of understand and be part of it. Art and design are two different things, if you don’t know yet. Art is your own form of self-expression towards whatever matter in life, yours or not (this is based on my own interpretation btw) and design is your own take on given briefs, usually for your clients. It’s so weird that I find myself wanting to experiment with textures and dimensions, colours and do varieties of hands on stuff. At least now I know what to do to reignite my confidence. It’s such a therapeutic thing, you know. I have yet to bind a themeless empty 1cm booklet, make a poster with some ciggy boxes, die cut some papers to layer, play with some cotton strings, so many things to try!

Which made me decide on one of my 2018 resolutions: To embrace myself. Be okay with who I am, make use of what I have, and make them my strong points. You know, like I used to push away that nostalgic part of me, but now I’m leaning towards making that as part of my aesthetics. Be it in the things I do or how I present myself. It’s not a must, but just a way out to more self-appreciation.

There’s so many things to talk about but I’m saving some for my chatty videos :D

TC&Wassalam!

Tremendously uninspired

I have hit a plateau.

Something might have zapped the creative juices and energy out of me man. I feel SUPERBLY lazy and unmotivated to just start doing my portfolio, for goodness sake!

Whole freaking month of doing nothing, but eat and hitting the sack, or sticking my face to the laptop doing nothing but watching videos or surfing the net.

I

AM

DONE

.

Earth to me, please. I really need the portfolio done before I can actually look out for jobs.

I need a job, a glimpse of the real world, income to buy food and good stuff, and catching my dreams.

Unemployment sucks, but you know what? Laziness sucks even more!

Ok ok that aside, I am planning to write up a bit about design. You know, for the masses to take a thing or two, hopefully more about designing, with a PURPOSE. You do not space out alphabets for no reason guys. Please, do not follow what’s hyped about until you fully grasp it. In another words, do not take things for granted. Observe, and always question, why. Why. WHY!

Shit I need to really learn how to conduct workshops. I am dying to do it.

TC&Wassalam

Go jer

Slothed, and done slothing for the month. I know, some of my classmates have themselves landed on pretty good jobs, but I couldn’t just bring myself to re-edit my portfolio before sending in my resume to possible employers.

I want to get back on the grind, just get myself busy, learn new things, earn my own income, try to be an adult, buy more food importantly.

I have been holding in too much ambitions and goals and ideas, that I think it is time I make them happen. No more hanging around in my mind waiting for the clock to tick.

But awesome news, just collected my graduation gown, with the mortar board!! Do you know how proud I feel to have them with me when I had a little detour from my route home to have some me time at a Korean buffet?? Was secretly hoping a few might glanced at the gleaming mortar board and be like, “Oh she’s something. She’s graduating”. Hope only la.

Now I’m letting my body digest all the food I gobbled down earlier, and just rest. 

It’s time. I make a change. To this world. Bismillah. I know I’m so scared of what’s beyond. I’m too afraid to make the jump. I’m scared of failing. But I gotta do it. The modern Malays have this saying, “Go jer (Just do it), don’t scared!”

So let’s ‘Go jer!’

Tc&Wassalam

Grips


(Not mine)

What do you do when you’ve felt too much love, that you feel suffocated?

Or maybe you took things too fast?

Or maybe you sort of force things to happen when seemingly things are going good because you’re scared, that you’ll never feel like that again?

You let it go. Let go of that tight grip. 

Loosen it.

Let things fall in place naturally. Let God do His plans. 

Let love grow organically.

Because love won’t tell you to stop. Because it is about respect and tolerance, that love won’t nudge you, or psstttt you and tell you what’s going on. It is in the moment, when you reflect upon how you treat the love, that it’ll drop some hints. It’s in the gut feelings, deep down. 

Treat love with dignity, and justice. Know the true meaning of love and what it is based on. Go back to the roots of love and change. Change the way you’ve been treating love, while you can.

And as for me, love stems upon continuous effort of giving happiness to the loved ones. And if that means stepping out of my own norm, I will try my best. Never to change but to adapt.

TC&Wassalam

I k-Eid you not!

I’m done with school!

Yesss days of non-existence hours of sleep are gone. Uni was good, in the overall scheme of things. I managed to explore designs/styles/methodologies I have never tried before, and I have found my strength as well as my style, sort of. Life was never boring. I mean, you have friends around you every day, you know. Yeah, assignments killed me but friends revived me back. I’m truthfully glad and honoured to have friends who are supportive and humble. Humble enough to help me and push me further as a designer.

One thing I love about design school, particularly the university I was in, is that we practiced this studying culture of giving honest feedbacks and criticism to one another’s work. So we have this sort of backing system, where we helped each of us to see things beyond just our own pair of eyes, and simply grow further as a critical thinker. Whether we did it willingly or not, is not important. Because no matter how harsh it sounds, real world is harsher. And one beautiful thing about this course is that it welcomes people of different backgrounds (With design skills knowledge of course. Because within a year you are expected to explore and not waste time with the basics). We have people from the industrial design, engineering, and illustrators even. And we all learn the same things, and apply them to our own specialisations. And these kind of gems sprouted so well during collaborations. I get to see many different strengths and it’s like hitting so many jackpots when I get to learn so many things from different people.

Funny thing, it just happened that my Graduation Show Exhibition (An exhibition of all our Final Work for the course) ended a day before Eid celebration. So let’s just say Eid decides to commemorate the start of my unemployment days. You know, like in the face. Yeah I am now jobless, and seeking for one. I have yet to decide on what kind of jobs I want to do for a living. Since I’m still young and adventurous, I did thought of doing graphic design while travelling. Like a travelling graphic designer. Just did my research about people who have done so, and it sounds promising and profitable! So yeah, maybe I would want to do that. But if fate decides that I’m just good staying and working at this homeland for now, I’ll take it.

During the short degree course that lasted for a year, I found something I might actually enjoy doing and exploring further into, unless time forbids. I have some stacks of unused bought papers. They are not your typical printing papers okay. They are of different thickness and textures. I bought way excessive papers for my past projects, and I don’t know how to use them. So I have this idea of making booklets or something called zines.

Zine: Small-circulation self-published work of original or appropriated texts and images, according to Wikipedia.

zine-covers
(Not mine)

What I’m trying to say is that, I want to make my own mini publication of thin booklets! As to what kind of subjects I would want to touch, I am not yet sure. But one thing I would love to try, is to make use of the graphic styles that I love into them.

What’s supposed to be my ‘style’ consists of:
Futuristic, minimal, clean, vibrant, funky. 

In the zines, I would want to incorporate those as the style that embodies the collection, and make use of my illustration skills as well! It’s a sad thing that I did not make something out of my illustration skills during the Uni days, but oh well.

I don’t know why but that idea hypes me up a lot. I have never touched on print designs until I started Uni, and boy I do actually enjoy hands-on design! So perhaps, this time round, I would love to stitch my own zines.

So yeah.

That’s about it. My life.

TC&Wassalam

 

Love, beyond the surface

To describe this week as overwhelming is really an understatement. This one week taught me knowledge worth beyond. And I am a firm believer that, you will never truly understand any situation without experiencing it yourself, or if you are not willing to stoop down to the same level as they are and see things from their perspective. Never.

You know that sentiment. When you are weighed down by so many emotions, words cannot seem to make their way out of you. This feeling is indescribable, and it won’t settle. So I’m left speechless, hanging loose, stunned and mostly, stupid. Too oblivious to only realise it now. And I’m numbing myself, because I don’t know how to react.

Life is really full of surprises. It’s like a peek-a-boo. Only reveal when the time comes, and you’ve got no say but to accept that it’s how things are meant to be. My thoughts/views have been too shallow. I’m gonna talk one topic at a time. And for this post, I’ll be talking about inner beauty.

Just stop correcting how people don their hijabs or dress themselves already. Why are we so quick to correct others. Honestly, hijab does not promise you anything. It won’t make you a pious person. You want to know what does? Your heart. The hearts the strive to conduct only the Good. Lately, I have witnessed so many beautiful hearts of friends or people who do not wear the Hijab, and I am amazed by it! As though I’ve never ever knew things like this can happen. I used to associate Muslims who does not cover their aurah to be sinful, somehow. But you know what, I think, they have better manners and bigger hearts than I do? At least, they’re brave enough to stand up to their beliefs when others begged to differ. In my case, I wouldn’t speak up what I believe is right, because I fear how people would view me. So so timid.

Inner beauty is the pureness of the heart. To choose to believe, be passionate, practice good mannerism and be humble. Inner beauty is knowing your roots despite the circumstances. It is personal, your personal promise or virtue. This is what Muslims must possess first and foremost. With inner beauty, then every other things will be put to place without force. And this is how we should portray as Muslims, despite how different or diverse we are. This the thing we need to inculcate or hold deep within us, so that when other people see us, they see through us and not what is layered upon us.

Now, I understand why some people choose to grow their love for the religion first, before they make the big decision to don the Hijab. The image of Islam should not be based on how we dress ourselves, but how we respond to situations. Of course, with proper or decent dressing, it would be like a whole package. What I meant is that, I do not see the point of enforcing the dress code more than the Akhlaq. Can we see more of, “Hey, why don’t you treat others like how Rasulullah treat his neighbours”, instead of “Hey, why is your dress too fitting?” please. Islam can’t just be based on looks right?

This does not mean I will remove my Hijab whatsoever. I am comfortable with Hijab, and I am satisfied with my Hijab progress, but now, my priority will be on aiming for the inner beauty. It takes practice. Do not worry if people cannot see that in you. Remember, it is personal. It will eventually show itself.

Let’s all unite and help each other achieve inner beauty.

TC&Wassalam

Found my living framework

I’m still shook by what I was informed from someone. His life took a 360 degrees turn, when the last time I knew he was doing really well. Always having backup plans, always on the top notch of his life, always in control. And the last thing I knew, he lost every damn thing he has worked hard for. You never know what’s about to happen in your life, and to me, it’s terrifying.

This really put me to my ground. Who am I to complain when I still have what should be my priorities in life.

I have a family that still supports and takes care of me. Even when they may not entirely understand or agree with me, they still stood by me. Even when I was out till late, I would receive Whatsapp texts asking of my whereabouts. At first, I thought the texts were annoying because, I believe I am already an adult that knows how to take care of myself. Little did I know, these concerns I get, I should never have taken them for granted. Some people are not blessed with this unconditional love. So who am I again to complain? Astaghfirullah.

Alhamdulillah, I am almost done with my degree. And I am very fortunate to have been given support from my parents even if they were doubtful of how this will support me as a career. So thankful that I could pursue a creative path, because I believe that it’s the kind of direction I see myself working in, in the near future. Not everyone can reach this far, not everyone could make it through till the end. Again, who am I to complain?

Last but not least, I still manage to hold dear, my faith. A religion to practice, a purpose in life. To believe that there is a God and to practice my faith. To be born in a family that encourages me to practice my faith, even if it means dragging me out to perform Subuh at the mosque on Sundays where most people start their weekends late. To make me understand that religion always comes first before anything. For me to not give up on life, and even though I am far from perfection, I still believe that I can do it. That determination to stand up, every single time I failed myself, that strength, which I believe are hidden guidances from God; to have them is beyond an honour, as a Muslim. Who am I, unknowing or rather, ignorant of all these sustenance, dare to complain?

Did it took me this far, to see what’s really going on, what’s underlying? How can I be so blind and egoistic.

I realised that, and made a promise to myself, that no matter what happens in life, never lose my family, faith and dreams. My living framework.

May whatever we do lead us to Him. May whatever I do in life, they must always go back to that framework. Honestly, I’m not sure how he’s able to cope with his current fate, but hopefully, he’s able to make it through.

Always think back of what you are fortunate with, and be grateful.

TC&Wassalam.

Brutally Honest #05

Rant mode is strong right now because I’m currently boiling over the issue I will be stating in this post.

Bismillah.

We all are struggling with life, school, work and personal stuff. Yes, so many things to do within a short span of time.

When you add more things into your commitment list, PLEASE ENSURE you know how to manage your time wisely and efficiently. Know what to PRIORITISE, and if you’re behind in something, step up and put in extra effort to fulfil it. There’s Google if you don’t know how to do things. There’s friends you can ask help from. So many ways.

I don’t understand why you chose to put more focus on work than school. And then, you cannot juggle school commitments as religiously as your work shifts. Only doing school work when the due date is just in a few days, or even the next day. Your work is not done with much relevance to the topic, because you’re more into getting it done than getting it right. You have so many days to complete it, so many nights to burn. But yet….

I know you’re tired. But please, own up to it. Now there’s another thing, about not owning up to your work. TAKE FULL OWNERSHIP AND RESPONSIBILITY of your own work. Please, we all hate school assignments. But what’s the point of paying ton shits of money on school when you just can’t put in that much amount of effort to your work? It’s like, you’re wasting money, time and effort. I want grades as good as that thousands of money I’ve invested for school.

I’m just so done at this point, I’d rather take over your work and get it RIGHT, than just letting it go.

Done ranting and I’m off to do more editing because I just cannot just ignore.

TC & Wassalam