Tremendously uninspired

I have hit a plateau.

Something might have zapped the creative juices and energy out of me man. I feel SUPERBLY lazy and unmotivated to just start doing my portfolio, for goodness sake!

Whole freaking month of doing nothing, but eat and hitting the sack, or sticking my face to the laptop doing nothing but watching videos or surfing the net.

I

AM

DONE

.

Earth to me, please. I really need the portfolio done before I can actually look out for jobs.

I need a job, a glimpse of the real world, income to buy food and good stuff, and catching my dreams.

Unemployment sucks, but you know what? Laziness sucks even more!

Ok ok that aside, I am planning to write up a bit about design. You know, for the masses to take a thing or two, hopefully more about designing, with a PURPOSE. You do not space out alphabets for no reason guys. Please, do not follow what’s hyped about until you fully grasp it. In another words, do not take things for granted. Observe, and always question, why. Why. WHY!

Shit I need to really learn how to conduct workshops. I am dying to do it.

TC&Wassalam

Go jer

Slothed, and done slothing for the month. I know, some of my classmates have themselves landed on pretty good jobs, but I couldn’t just bring myself to re-edit my portfolio before sending in my resume to possible employers.

I want to get back on the grind, just get myself busy, learn new things, earn my own income, try to be an adult, buy more food importantly.

I have been holding in too much ambitions and goals and ideas, that I think it is time I make them happen. No more hanging around in my mind waiting for the clock to tick.

But awesome news, just collected my graduation gown, with the mortar board!! Do you know how proud I feel to have them with me when I had a little detour from my route home to have some me time at a Korean buffet?? Was secretly hoping a few might glanced at the gleaming mortar board and be like, “Oh she’s something. She’s graduating”. Hope only la.

Now I’m letting my body digest all the food I gobbled down earlier, and just rest. 

It’s time. I make a change. To this world. Bismillah. I know I’m so scared of what’s beyond. I’m too afraid to make the jump. I’m scared of failing. But I gotta do it. The modern Malays have this saying, “Go jer (Just do it), don’t scared!”

So let’s ‘Go jer!’

Tc&Wassalam

Grips


(Not mine)

What do you do when you’ve felt too much love, that you feel suffocated?

Or maybe you took things too fast?

Or maybe you sort of force things to happen when seemingly things are going good because you’re scared, that you’ll never feel like that again?

You let it go. Let go of that tight grip. 

Loosen it.

Let things fall in place naturally. Let God do His plans. 

Let love grow organically.

Because love won’t tell you to stop. Because it is about respect and tolerance, that love won’t nudge you, or psstttt you and tell you what’s going on. It is in the moment, when you reflect upon how you treat the love, that it’ll drop some hints. It’s in the gut feelings, deep down. 

Treat love with dignity, and justice. Know the true meaning of love and what it is based on. Go back to the roots of love and change. Change the way you’ve been treating love, while you can.

And as for me, love stems upon continuous effort of giving happiness to the loved ones. And if that means stepping out of my own norm, I will try my best. Never to change but to adapt.

TC&Wassalam

I k-Eid you not!

I’m done with school!

Yesss days of non-existence hours of sleep are gone. Uni was good, in the overall scheme of things. I managed to explore designs/styles/methodologies I have never tried before, and I have found my strength as well as my style, sort of. Life was never boring. I mean, you have friends around you every day, you know. Yeah, assignments killed me but friends revived me back. I’m truthfully glad and honoured to have friends who are supportive and humble. Humble enough to help me and push me further as a designer.

One thing I love about design school, particularly the university I was in, is that we practiced this studying culture of giving honest feedbacks and criticism to one another’s work. So we have this sort of backing system, where we helped each of us to see things beyond just our own pair of eyes, and simply grow further as a critical thinker. Whether we did it willingly or not, is not important. Because no matter how harsh it sounds, real world is harsher. And one beautiful thing about this course is that it welcomes people of different backgrounds (With design skills knowledge of course. Because within a year you are expected to explore and not waste time with the basics). We have people from the industrial design, engineering, and illustrators even. And we all learn the same things, and apply them to our own specialisations. And these kind of gems sprouted so well during collaborations. I get to see many different strengths and it’s like hitting so many jackpots when I get to learn so many things from different people.

Funny thing, it just happened that my Graduation Show Exhibition (An exhibition of all our Final Work for the course) ended a day before Eid celebration. So let’s just say Eid decides to commemorate the start of my unemployment days. You know, like in the face. Yeah I am now jobless, and seeking for one. I have yet to decide on what kind of jobs I want to do for a living. Since I’m still young and adventurous, I did thought of doing graphic design while travelling. Like a travelling graphic designer. Just did my research about people who have done so, and it sounds promising and profitable! So yeah, maybe I would want to do that. But if fate decides that I’m just good staying and working at this homeland for now, I’ll take it.

During the short degree course that lasted for a year, I found something I might actually enjoy doing and exploring further into, unless time forbids. I have some stacks of unused bought papers. They are not your typical printing papers okay. They are of different thickness and textures. I bought way excessive papers for my past projects, and I don’t know how to use them. So I have this idea of making booklets or something called zines.

Zine: Small-circulation self-published work of original or appropriated texts and images, according to Wikipedia.

zine-covers
(Not mine)

What I’m trying to say is that, I want to make my own mini publication of thin booklets! As to what kind of subjects I would want to touch, I am not yet sure. But one thing I would love to try, is to make use of the graphic styles that I love into them.

What’s supposed to be my ‘style’ consists of:
Futuristic, minimal, clean, vibrant, funky. 

In the zines, I would want to incorporate those as the style that embodies the collection, and make use of my illustration skills as well! It’s a sad thing that I did not make something out of my illustration skills during the Uni days, but oh well.

I don’t know why but that idea hypes me up a lot. I have never touched on print designs until I started Uni, and boy I do actually enjoy hands-on design! So perhaps, this time round, I would love to stitch my own zines.

So yeah.

That’s about it. My life.

TC&Wassalam

 

Love, beyond the surface

To describe this week as overwhelming is really an understatement. This one week taught me knowledge worth beyond. And I am a firm believer that, you will never truly understand any situation without experiencing it yourself, or if you are not willing to stoop down to the same level as they are and see things from their perspective. Never.

You know that sentiment. When you are weighed down by so many emotions, words cannot seem to make their way out of you. This feeling is indescribable, and it won’t settle. So I’m left speechless, hanging loose, stunned and mostly, stupid. Too oblivious to only realise it now. And I’m numbing myself, because I don’t know how to react.

Life is really full of surprises. It’s like a peek-a-boo. Only reveal when the time comes, and you’ve got no say but to accept that it’s how things are meant to be. My thoughts/views have been too shallow. I’m gonna talk one topic at a time. And for this post, I’ll be talking about inner beauty.

Just stop correcting how people don their hijabs or dress themselves already. Why are we so quick to correct others. Honestly, hijab does not promise you anything. It won’t make you a pious person. You want to know what does? Your heart. The hearts the strive to conduct only the Good. Lately, I have witnessed so many beautiful hearts of friends or people who do not wear the Hijab, and I am amazed by it! As though I’ve never ever knew things like this can happen. I used to associate Muslims who does not cover their aurah to be sinful, somehow. But you know what, I think, they have better manners and bigger hearts than I do? At least, they’re brave enough to stand up to their beliefs when others begged to differ. In my case, I wouldn’t speak up what I believe is right, because I fear how people would view me. So so timid.

Inner beauty is the pureness of the heart. To choose to believe, be passionate, practice good mannerism and be humble. Inner beauty is knowing your roots despite the circumstances. It is personal, your personal promise or virtue. This is what Muslims must possess first and foremost. With inner beauty, then every other things will be put to place without force. And this is how we should portray as Muslims, despite how different or diverse we are. This the thing we need to inculcate or hold deep within us, so that when other people see us, they see through us and not what is layered upon us.

Now, I understand why some people choose to grow their love for the religion first, before they make the big decision to don the Hijab. The image of Islam should not be based on how we dress ourselves, but how we respond to situations. Of course, with proper or decent dressing, it would be like a whole package. What I meant is that, I do not see the point of enforcing the dress code more than the Akhlaq. Can we see more of, “Hey, why don’t you treat others like how Rasulullah treat his neighbours”, instead of “Hey, why is your dress too fitting?” please. Islam can’t just be based on looks right?

This does not mean I will remove my Hijab whatsoever. I am comfortable with Hijab, and I am satisfied with my Hijab progress, but now, my priority will be on aiming for the inner beauty. It takes practice. Do not worry if people cannot see that in you. Remember, it is personal. It will eventually show itself.

Let’s all unite and help each other achieve inner beauty.

TC&Wassalam

Found my living framework

I’m still shook by what I was informed from someone. His life took a 360 degrees turn, when the last time I knew he was doing really well. Always having backup plans, always on the top notch of his life, always in control. And the last thing I knew, he lost every damn thing he has worked hard for. You never know what’s about to happen in your life, and to me, it’s terrifying.

This really put me to my ground. Who am I to complain when I still have what should be my priorities in life.

I have a family that still supports and takes care of me. Even when they may not entirely understand or agree with me, they still stood by me. Even when I was out till late, I would receive Whatsapp texts asking of my whereabouts. At first, I thought the texts were annoying because, I believe I am already an adult that knows how to take care of myself. Little did I know, these concerns I get, I should never have taken them for granted. Some people are not blessed with this unconditional love. So who am I again to complain? Astaghfirullah.

Alhamdulillah, I am almost done with my degree. And I am very fortunate to have been given support from my parents even if they were doubtful of how this will support me as a career. So thankful that I could pursue a creative path, because I believe that it’s the kind of direction I see myself working in, in the near future. Not everyone can reach this far, not everyone could make it through till the end. Again, who am I to complain?

Last but not least, I still manage to hold dear, my faith. A religion to practice, a purpose in life. To believe that there is a God and to practice my faith. To be born in a family that encourages me to practice my faith, even if it means dragging me out to perform Subuh at the mosque on Sundays where most people start their weekends late. To make me understand that religion always comes first before anything. For me to not give up on life, and even though I am far from perfection, I still believe that I can do it. That determination to stand up, every single time I failed myself, that strength, which I believe are hidden guidances from God; to have them is beyond an honour, as a Muslim. Who am I, unknowing or rather, ignorant of all these sustenance, dare to complain?

Did it took me this far, to see what’s really going on, what’s underlying? How can I be so blind and egoistic.

I realised that, and made a promise to myself, that no matter what happens in life, never lose my family, faith and dreams. My living framework.

May whatever we do lead us to Him. May whatever I do in life, they must always go back to that framework. Honestly, I’m not sure how he’s able to cope with his current fate, but hopefully, he’s able to make it through.

Always think back of what you are fortunate with, and be grateful.

TC&Wassalam.

Brutally Honest #05

Rant mode is strong right now because I’m currently boiling over the issue I will be stating in this post.

Bismillah.

We all are struggling with life, school, work and personal stuff. Yes, so many things to do within a short span of time.

When you add more things into your commitment list, PLEASE ENSURE you know how to manage your time wisely and efficiently. Know what to PRIORITISE, and if you’re behind in something, step up and put in extra effort to fulfil it. There’s Google if you don’t know how to do things. There’s friends you can ask help from. So many ways.

I don’t understand why you chose to put more focus on work than school. And then, you cannot juggle school commitments as religiously as your work shifts. Only doing school work when the due date is just in a few days, or even the next day. Your work is not done with much relevance to the topic, because you’re more into getting it done than getting it right. You have so many days to complete it, so many nights to burn. But yet….

I know you’re tired. But please, own up to it. Now there’s another thing, about not owning up to your work. TAKE FULL OWNERSHIP AND RESPONSIBILITY of your own work. Please, we all hate school assignments. But what’s the point of paying ton shits of money on school when you just can’t put in that much amount of effort to your work? It’s like, you’re wasting money, time and effort. I want grades as good as that thousands of money I’ve invested for school.

I’m just so done at this point, I’d rather take over your work and get it RIGHT, than just letting it go.

Done ranting and I’m off to do more editing because I just cannot just ignore.

TC & Wassalam

I miss writing

Xin Nian Kuai Le.

/

Heaves a weighted sigh as I inch to start this post. I’ve always resonated the number ‘7’ as an unlucky, odd and alienated number, but let’s hope this year will be the year I become me.

Me.
The person who stands firm to her beliefs. Who knows what she wants, and knows that she is the deciding factor of whether happiness is to be with her or not.

I’m not the brightest nor happiest person you would have ever encountered. I admit that. And I’m tired of self-pity. I want to go back to the strong me that keeps pushing herself and never letting herself fall beyond depths. And you know what? I’m glad I’m already on it.

In half a year’s time, I’ll be having my Graduation Exhibition, just like how other design students would have in their last years of study. The day we would all shine within our own little spaces in the event, but our beam of talent will seep through layers of peoples’ hearts , hopefully and I mean let’s all pray that we will win the eyes of the industry people. Because spoiler alert, they are our main target. The part where it’s open to public and to family and friends, it’s mostly celebratory purposes because heck yeah we will be graduating soon! Okay so what about it? Each cohort will have to organise (from scratch okay which means from finding sponsors to location and coming up with a brand) our own Grad Show. And I opted myself as one of the leaders. 

The thing is, I have this love-hate relationship of being a leader. I suck at commitments and being responsible and owning up to it, but at the same time, I love being in the loop of being amongst the firsts to know what’s up and getting to manage/control tasks. It’s fun, but risky and it’ll just zap out a lot of effort. Tons of time I’ve volunteered but only to fail myself, so this time, I want to prove to myself that I can do it. 

That’s one thing, to brush up on my leadership skills. Another thing is, I’m back with coming with daily or weekly plans. Planning on what to do each days till the consultation day so by then, I would have more solid updates or progress on my projects rather to then waste time and produce less satisfactory outcomes that I would be less proud of –

– I just want to be happy. Or happier this year.

To be more grateful with each turnabouts, to live simply and be contented at the slightest things.

To be more daring, to not hesitate and plunge in at every and any opportunities given for self-growth, be it leadership/communication skills/etc.

And most importantly, to live the moment and not to dwell too long in the past.

Those three are my 2017 goals.

TC.

Why I think I might consider taking nutrition courses in the future

I never really have a specific education plan, or career path since O levels. I mean really, that’s why I got myself into the wrong course at the start of my tertiary studies. I mean, freaking IT course, guys. Not saying it’s a bad course. Just not my thing.

Well, as life moved on, as I aged, and as I got to explore and see what the world has to offer for me, I do realise that I love to live life healthily.

I’m the one advocating on healthy living in my family, even though my sister studies about that but isn’t proactive about it. I would be like, “No, we need to have veggies for each meal.”, or “Less oil please”, or at times, I prefer to take over the cooking for the day so that I would get to decide the meal plan.

I love leading life the good way. It makes me feel good knowing I that I take control of what I eat and what my body turns into. Although, I’m urging myself to get back to exercising regularly again after more than a month of slothing. I still strongly believe in living healthily. You might see immediate effect, but in a long run, a few years down the road, you’ll thank yourself for what you have done.

So let’s say, if i decided that design is not what I want as career. Perhaps, more like a passion maybe. Like something I would do as a freelancer, but not like a daily job maybe, then I would consider being a nutritionist? Maybe, reading about it may satisfy my desire to learn and understand nutrition, but I sort of see it in my future plan. Lot’s of maybes and perhaps, all the vagueness of my statements. Cause I’m not fully certain.

TC.

How to build up emotional strength

I’m subscribed to a quite personal random blog of a lady who blogs almost every day, if not maybe around at least twice a week? That frequent. Used to keep up with each of her posts until I can’t deal with her outpouring emotions and sincerity in her words. See, I’m a very sentimental person so I feel things/words alot. I can’t deal with too much emotions.  I can’t even read really sappy poems anymore cause I hate how heavy my heart can get because of overwhelming emotions and resonance of them words.

But back to that blog, I braved through her latest post, which gladly isn’t heavy with feels, and some of her words hit me down to my core. It’s about acceptance. About how catching after perfection seems surreal because there’s no such thing as being perfect. 

Instead, why don’t we focus on first:

1) Acknowledging our imperfections/flaws,

2) Accepting them,

3) Then learning to manage them

It made sense right? Just like how we’re told to face obstacles instead of avoiding them. We’re bound to face them sooner or later anyway. So quick way is learning to deal with them! Eveyone has their own set of flaws be it seen or hidden. We’re all dealing with our own shits. I mean even billionaires face problems like um, protecting their goddamn fortune. And no you’re not a weirdo/outstander/alien by having flaws. So why don’t we put a huge emphasis on managing our problems rather than choosing to worry so much about how flawed we are? 

Lastly, make use of your strength. I’m not saying physical strength but build up on what you’re good at. Let’s say, if you’re such a pro at being punctual, or a badass at organising anything, then work on them. These will add on to your confidence tank. 

Importantly, ying and yang. Find balance in yourself. Forge a symmetry with your flaws and strength. Once you got that momentum, you can deal with anything life throws you upon. Except death ofcourse but that’s out of the case. If you’re able to control that, you will be one tough being to tackle, emotionally. 

Hope this helps you and I.

TC & Wassalam