I k-Eid you not!

I’m done with school!

Yesss days of non-existence hours of sleep are gone. Uni was good, in the overall scheme of things. I managed to explore designs/styles/methodologies I have never tried before, and I have found my strength as well as my style, sort of. Life was never boring. I mean, you have friends around you every day, you know. Yeah, assignments killed me but friends revived me back. I’m truthfully glad and honoured to have friends who are supportive and humble. Humble enough to help me and push me further as a designer.

One thing I love about design school, particularly the university I was in, is that we practiced this studying culture of giving honest feedbacks and criticism to one another’s work. So we have this sort of backing system, where we helped each of us to see things beyond just our own pair of eyes, and simply grow further as a critical thinker. Whether we did it willingly or not, is not important. Because no matter how harsh it sounds, real world is harsher. And one beautiful thing about this course is that it welcomes people of different backgrounds (With design skills knowledge of course. Because within a year you are expected to explore and not waste time with the basics). We have people from the industrial design, engineering, and illustrators even. And we all learn the same things, and apply them to our own specialisations. And these kind of gems sprouted so well during collaborations. I get to see many different strengths and it’s like hitting so many jackpots when I get to learn so many things from different people.

Funny thing, it just happened that my Graduation Show Exhibition (An exhibition of all our Final Work for the course) ended a day before Eid celebration. So let’s just say Eid decides to commemorate the start of my unemployment days. You know, like in the face. Yeah I am now jobless, and seeking for one. I have yet to decide on what kind of jobs I want to do for a living. Since I’m still young and adventurous, I did thought of doing graphic design while travelling. Like a travelling graphic designer. Just did my research about people who have done so, and it sounds promising and profitable! So yeah, maybe I would want to do that. But if fate decides that I’m just good staying and working at this homeland for now, I’ll take it.

During the short degree course that lasted for a year, I found something I might actually enjoy doing and exploring further into, unless time forbids. I have some stacks of unused bought papers. They are not your typical printing papers okay. They are of different thickness and textures. I bought way excessive papers for my past projects, and I don’t know how to use them. So I have this idea of making booklets or something called zines.

Zine: Small-circulation self-published work of original or appropriated texts and images, according to Wikipedia.

zine-covers
(Not mine)

What I’m trying to say is that, I want to make my own mini publication of thin booklets! As to what kind of subjects I would want to touch, I am not yet sure. But one thing I would love to try, is to make use of the graphic styles that I love into them.

What’s supposed to be my ‘style’ consists of:
Futuristic, minimal, clean, vibrant, funky. 

In the zines, I would want to incorporate those as the style that embodies the collection, and make use of my illustration skills as well! It’s a sad thing that I did not make something out of my illustration skills during the Uni days, but oh well.

I don’t know why but that idea hypes me up a lot. I have never touched on print designs until I started Uni, and boy I do actually enjoy hands-on design! So perhaps, this time round, I would love to stitch my own zines.

So yeah.

That’s about it. My life.

TC&Wassalam

 

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Love, beyond the surface

To describe this week as overwhelming is really an understatement. This one week taught me knowledge worth beyond. And I am a firm believer that, you will never truly understand any situation without experiencing it yourself, or if you are not willing to stoop down to the same level as they are and see things from their perspective. Never.

You know that sentiment. When you are weighed down by so many emotions, words cannot seem to make their way out of you. This feeling is indescribable, and it won’t settle. So I’m left speechless, hanging loose, stunned and mostly, stupid. Too oblivious to only realise it now. And I’m numbing myself, because I don’t know how to react.

Life is really full of surprises. It’s like a peek-a-boo. Only reveal when the time comes, and you’ve got no say but to accept that it’s how things are meant to be. My thoughts/views have been too shallow. I’m gonna talk one topic at a time. And for this post, I’ll be talking about inner beauty.

Just stop correcting how people don their hijabs or dress themselves already. Why are we so quick to correct others. Honestly, hijab does not promise you anything. It won’t make you a pious person. You want to know what does? Your heart. The hearts the strive to conduct only the Good. Lately, I have witnessed so many beautiful hearts of friends or people who do not wear the Hijab, and I am amazed by it! As though I’ve never ever knew things like this can happen. I used to associate Muslims who does not cover their aurah to be sinful, somehow. But you know what, I think, they have better manners and bigger hearts than I do? At least, they’re brave enough to stand up to their beliefs when others begged to differ. In my case, I wouldn’t speak up what I believe is right, because I fear how people would view me. So so timid.

Inner beauty is the pureness of the heart. To choose to believe, be passionate, practice good mannerism and be humble. Inner beauty is knowing your roots despite the circumstances. It is personal, your personal promise or virtue. This is what Muslims must possess first and foremost. With inner beauty, then every other things will be put to place without force. And this is how we should portray as Muslims, despite how different or diverse we are. This the thing we need to inculcate or hold deep within us, so that when other people see us, they see through us and not what is layered upon us.

Now, I understand why some people choose to grow their love for the religion first, before they make the big decision to don the Hijab. The image of Islam should not be based on how we dress ourselves, but how we respond to situations. Of course, with proper or decent dressing, it would be like a whole package. What I meant is that, I do not see the point of enforcing the dress code more than the Akhlaq. Can we see more of, “Hey, why don’t you treat others like how Rasulullah treat his neighbours”, instead of “Hey, why is your dress too fitting?” please. Islam can’t just be based on looks right?

This does not mean I will remove my Hijab whatsoever. I am comfortable with Hijab, and I am satisfied with my Hijab progress, but now, my priority will be on aiming for the inner beauty. It takes practice. Do not worry if people cannot see that in you. Remember, it is personal. It will eventually show itself.

Let’s all unite and help each other achieve inner beauty.

TC&Wassalam

Found my living framework

I’m still shook by what I was informed from someone. His life took a 360 degrees turn, when the last time I knew he was doing really well. Always having backup plans, always on the top notch of his life, always in control. And the last thing I knew, he lost every damn thing he has worked hard for. You never know what’s about to happen in your life, and to me, it’s terrifying.

This really put me to my ground. Who am I to complain when I still have what should be my priorities in life.

I have a family that still supports and takes care of me. Even when they may not entirely understand or agree with me, they still stood by me. Even when I was out till late, I would receive Whatsapp texts asking of my whereabouts. At first, I thought the texts were annoying because, I believe I am already an adult that knows how to take care of myself. Little did I know, these concerns I get, I should never have taken them for granted. Some people are not blessed with this unconditional love. So who am I again to complain? Astaghfirullah.

Alhamdulillah, I am almost done with my degree. And I am very fortunate to have been given support from my parents even if they were doubtful of how this will support me as a career. So thankful that I could pursue a creative path, because I believe that it’s the kind of direction I see myself working in, in the near future. Not everyone can reach this far, not everyone could make it through till the end. Again, who am I to complain?

Last but not least, I still manage to hold dear, my faith. A religion to practice, a purpose in life. To believe that there is a God and to practice my faith. To be born in a family that encourages me to practice my faith, even if it means dragging me out to perform Subuh at the mosque on Sundays where most people start their weekends late. To make me understand that religion always comes first before anything. For me to not give up on life, and even though I am far from perfection, I still believe that I can do it. That determination to stand up, every single time I failed myself, that strength, which I believe are hidden guidances from God; to have them is beyond an honour, as a Muslim. Who am I, unknowing or rather, ignorant of all these sustenance, dare to complain?

Did it took me this far, to see what’s really going on, what’s underlying? How can I be so blind and egoistic.

I realised that, and made a promise to myself, that no matter what happens in life, never lose my family, faith and dreams. My living framework.

May whatever we do lead us to Him. May whatever I do in life, they must always go back to that framework. Honestly, I’m not sure how he’s able to cope with his current fate, but hopefully, he’s able to make it through.

Always think back of what you are fortunate with, and be grateful.

TC&Wassalam.

Cause I needed an update

I skipped a month worth of updates!

There were a magnitude of things that has brought upon my zero efforts to update this site. There were times I did think about posting something, but I wasn’t motivated enough? Like that surge of black wave that crashes all the little tiny hopes to write something. Every damn time I know what to write, my body says Nope, not the time yet

Surprisingly I still have regular view counts, coping at a stagnant number every week. Don’t you think that’s weird considering that I didnt post at all hahaha. Thank you though for reading.

Zooming quickly pass the month of April, all I could say is, twas a wicked month. Had two weeks of rest from school (literally didn’t do any design work at all), worked on a side project, scored an ad-hoc job over at my cousin’s bakery, met and hang out with sick people I knew over the net. The only unmet plan was to drive a car. Very very depressing but no one is to be blamed. Things just don’t happen when they weren’t meant to. 

Now I’m back in school, gladly. It’s time to kick in the skills back. Plus I miss my schoolmates. You know, one thing good about being in school is having friends around you every week, without the need to make plans. Even though I’m left with only two months of school. Week one went by in a blink of an eye because the module is redundant and there were only two classes of that. So I wouldn’t miss much if I didn’t attend them at all. No worries I always try to be a good student so yeah I was there in class on both days! 

Now that we’re in May, even greater news are about to grace my entrance. InsyaAllah whatever it is, I would not want to lose my focus in Him and strive to become someone with a beautiful heart. I’ve started to realise that, I want to shift my focus to enhancing my inner beauty. Improving on my character and manner as a lady and as a Muslim. 

Can’t wait to turn into the person I envisioned to be. 
TC & Wassalam

Where the procrastination begins

I have so many ideas for my next entry posts!

  • Art Direction! Tips from my course study
  • Why hijabis should care less about neck details on clothes
  • My current design style obsession
  • What if I were to join a local band
  • Life as a design student

Wah suddenly I have a niche in copywriting eh. Or is this one of my hidden talents

Ticking 

There finally comes a date

To anticipate

No longer the void pixels

But soon, sentimental vessels

 

Months of lyrical voices and words

Of loud snores and your suggested ballads

The bulk of all memories

How annoying, your play on my ideologies

 

Some things I’d look forward to

That cunningly side eyes, lovely fool

Yes, no fishes and veges, I remember

To fill but only the hearts that steer

 

TC & Wassalam

Brutally Honest #05

Rant mode is strong right now because I’m currently boiling over the issue I will be stating in this post.

Bismillah.

We all are struggling with life, school, work and personal stuff. Yes, so many things to do within a short span of time.

When you add more things into your commitment list, PLEASE ENSURE you know how to manage your time wisely and efficiently. Know what to PRIORITISE, and if you’re behind in something, step up and put in extra effort to fulfil it. There’s Google if you don’t know how to do things. There’s friends you can ask help from. So many ways.

I don’t understand why you chose to put more focus on work than school. And then, you cannot juggle school commitments as religiously as your work shifts. Only doing school work when the due date is just in a few days, or even the next day. Your work is not done with much relevance to the topic, because you’re more into getting it done than getting it right. You have so many days to complete it, so many nights to burn. But yet….

I know you’re tired. But please, own up to it. Now there’s another thing, about not owning up to your work. TAKE FULL OWNERSHIP AND RESPONSIBILITY of your own work. Please, we all hate school assignments. But what’s the point of paying ton shits of money on school when you just can’t put in that much amount of effort to your work? It’s like, you’re wasting money, time and effort. I want grades as good as that thousands of money I’ve invested for school.

I’m just so done at this point, I’d rather take over your work and get it RIGHT, than just letting it go.

Done ranting and I’m off to do more editing because I just cannot just ignore.

TC & Wassalam

Brutally Honest #04

It’s creeping me out that I’m getting more readers lately. Now there’s almost at least a reader each day per week.

Who are you?

Anyway, I’m on a bumpy ride. March had me going oompa loompa with all these emotions invested on school and personal life.

I hate feeling like I’m not good enough. Can’t help comparing myself with the people around me. My work, my looks, my conduct, basically my everything. Why do the paths to success and contentment have to loop themselves? It feels like I’m going nowhere. I’m so drowned in my own despair, I’m afraid I would give up on myself one day. I don’t know how long my patience can last.

Can I just outpost myself to some deserted place and just live within the means? Away from people, away from perceptions, from expectations and demands.

TC & Wassalam

Brutally Honest #03

You can’t wait for people sometimes to do something. They can’t be there for you all the time. People are always busy with their own set of responsibilities. ‘Oh I have this thing going on I can’t make it!’ ‘Sorry I have errands to run’ ‘I’m loaded with assignments. Maybe next time?’

Just do it yourself. Go and eat at that sushi place yourself. Go and have a bicycle ride to ease your mind yourself. Have this ‘me’ time for you. People don’t know what you’re going through and they might not understand how much you crave for donuts. So just go ahead okay. Do what makes you feel good.

This goes the same way for those in relationships. Your partner’s also under the ‘People’ category and as much as he/she can have some time with you, know that they are just the same as you and, you can’t be selfish. If he/she is just too tired from work, you can’t just ask them out just to satisfy your own demands.

What I’m saying is, be independent.

TC & Wassalam

Brutally Honest #02

You don’t know how much I’ve been secretly yearning to get a lovely surprise on my birthday. I was in the toilet minutes before the clock striked 12, thinking how my day would be this time round. As much as I hoped miracles would happen, for certain I know it’ll be the same ole ways I’ve been celebrating it for the past years. 

And so I was sort of mentally prepared to spend the day on my own. I only switched on the phone 15 minutes after 12, and that’s when I got the shock out of my 21 years of existence. (Might sound a little dramatic here but really happy right now so don’t mind me). A friend from Bigo texted me asking why I’m still awake, and then dropped a sweet birthday wish. It was nice knowing someone whom isn’t that close to me is among the first few to actually remember my birthday. The next thing I know, he sent me a photo of a birthday cake and took a short video of his surrounding. Too familiar! Within that instant I knew where he was! At my freaking void deck.

I didn’t know what I did to receive this from him. Maybe I did something that pleases God or maybe God just pities me. But whatever that is, I was just speechless. All I did was to ask ‘Why!!’. Rushed down quickly and I’ve never felt that relevant after some time. I would have teared up but thanks to the awkwardness I didn’t. 


Poor cake has melted but it doesn’t matter, cause the effort counts. 

It all happens thanks to Bigo. How powerful Bigo can be, you won’t know till you experience it yourself. In the beginning, all I asked for is to be happier this year. I’m really grateful it has started off pretty well. 

Alhamdulillah a’laa kulli haal.

TC & Wassalam!