Brutally Honest #05

Rant mode is strong right now because I’m currently boiling over the issue I will be stating in this post.

Bismillah.

We all are struggling with life, school, work and personal stuff. Yes, so many things to do within a short span of time.

When you add more things into your commitment list, PLEASE ENSURE you know how to manage your time wisely and efficiently. Know what to PRIORITISE, and if you’re behind in something, step up and put in extra effort to fulfil it. There’s Google if you don’t know how to do things. There’s friends you can ask help from. So many ways.

I don’t understand why you chose to put more focus on work than school. And then, you cannot juggle school commitments as religiously as your work shifts. Only doing school work when the due date is just in a few days, or even the next day. Your work is not done with much relevance to the topic, because you’re more into getting it done than getting it right. You have so many days to complete it, so many nights to burn. But yet….

I know you’re tired. But please, own up to it. Now there’s another thing, about not owning up to your work. TAKE FULL OWNERSHIP AND RESPONSIBILITY of your own work. Please, we all hate school assignments. But what’s the point of paying ton shits of money on school when you just can’t put in that much amount of effort to your work? It’s like, you’re wasting money, time and effort. I want grades as good as that thousands of money I’ve invested for school.

I’m just so done at this point, I’d rather take over your work and get it RIGHT, than just letting it go.

Done ranting and I’m off to do more editing because I just cannot just ignore.

TC & Wassalam

Brutally Honest #04

It’s creeping me out that I’m getting more readers lately. Now there’s almost at least a reader each day per week.

Who are you?

Anyway, I’m on a bumpy ride. March had me going oompa loompa with all these emotions invested on school and personal life.

I hate feeling like I’m not good enough. Can’t help comparing myself with the people around me. My work, my looks, my conduct, basically my everything. Why do the paths to success and contentment have to loop themselves? It feels like I’m going nowhere. I’m so drowned in my own despair, I’m afraid I would give up on myself one day. I don’t know how long my patience can last.

Can I just outpost myself to some deserted place and just live within the means? Away from people, away from perceptions, from expectations and demands.

TC & Wassalam

Brutally Honest #03

You can’t wait for people sometimes to do something. They can’t be there for you all the time. People are always busy with their own set of responsibilities. ‘Oh I have this thing going on I can’t make it!’ ‘Sorry I have errands to run’ ‘I’m loaded with assignments. Maybe next time?’

Just do it yourself. Go and eat at that sushi place yourself. Go and have a bicycle ride to ease your mind yourself. Have this ‘me’ time for you. People don’t know what you’re going through and they might not understand how much you crave for donuts. So just go ahead okay. Do what makes you feel good.

This goes the same way for those in relationships. Your partner’s also under the ‘People’ category and as much as he/she can have some time with you, know that they are just the same as you and, you can’t be selfish. If he/she is just too tired from work, you can’t just ask them out just to satisfy your own demands.

What I’m saying is, be independent.

TC & Wassalam

Brutally Honest #02

You don’t know how much I’ve been secretly yearning to get a lovely surprise on my birthday. I was in the toilet minutes before the clock striked 12, thinking how my day would be this time round. As much as I hoped miracles would happen, for certain I know it’ll be the same ole ways I’ve been celebrating it for the past years. 

And so I was sort of mentally prepared to spend the day on my own. I only switched on the phone 15 minutes after 12, and that’s when I got the shock out of my 21 years of existence. (Might sound a little dramatic here but really happy right now so don’t mind me). A friend from Bigo texted me asking why I’m still awake, and then dropped a sweet birthday wish. It was nice knowing someone whom isn’t that close to me is among the first few to actually remember my birthday. The next thing I know, he sent me a photo of a birthday cake and took a short video of his surrounding. Too familiar! Within that instant I knew where he was! At my freaking void deck.

I didn’t know what I did to receive this from him. Maybe I did something that pleases God or maybe God just pities me. But whatever that is, I was just speechless. All I did was to ask ‘Why!!’. Rushed down quickly and I’ve never felt that relevant after some time. I would have teared up but thanks to the awkwardness I didn’t. 


Poor cake has melted but it doesn’t matter, cause the effort counts. 

It all happens thanks to Bigo. How powerful Bigo can be, you won’t know till you experience it yourself. In the beginning, all I asked for is to be happier this year. I’m really grateful it has started off pretty well. 

Alhamdulillah a’laa kulli haal.

TC & Wassalam!

Click the goddamn ‘Go’ button already

Image result for nothing will work unless you do

There’s thousands of jobs out there. Which of them do you think you want to do for the rest of your life? 

I question that to myself all the damn time.

After watching Vivy Yusuf’s ‘Love Vivy’ series, I feel as motivated as ever. The same feeling most people get out of watching a good show/ documentary/ talk. You would just want to run the world the minute after, right? Like as though you got the essence of it, and you’re left with pressing the ‘Go’ button.

As much as you might know that I’m currently working into building my path into the design industry, let me tell you something. I’ve been envisioning myself owning and running my own business one day since young. I’ve even drafted a brief business plan before, but it stopped when I’m not sure on how to proceed on with the financial aspect.

Or, if you were my classmates back in Madrasah, you would have known that if you need any wedding invitations or arrangements, you know you have me to go to. That was what I want to be branded as at that age. Had I actually just go ahead, or ask for advice from my parents at least, I would have probably go along with my plans and own business at least by now.

What’s stopping me, then?

Now, there’s always this thing that stops me from sparkling. From owning what I have dreamt. From achieving beyond miles. I’ve always hesitated to click the ‘Go’ button. I doubted myself tons of times, and that resulted in set backs. Just do it. What’s worse that could have happened? A friend kept telling me that every single time I hesitated when it comes to job application. I’m just so scared of failure. I kept seeing it like a freaking dementor that will zap the heck out of my soul.

We can always bounce back up.

Consider the risk factors, and always have backup plans. Always. Treat failures as your leaps of faith. So what if you fail. Courage and confidence matter more than failures. We’re all so scared to know the weaknesses we might have or carry. It’s a human nature, to feel good all the time. To know we’re on flick, to portray only the good and be remembered with great impressions. And coming from a society where failures can be looked upon as a misery, we’re even more intimated to step close to that zone.

But trust me on this. The moment you bounce back up to your feet, you’d feel like the world is kissing your feet. You’ve just scored yourself entry passes to the next stage of your life. You’d understand how to manage similar situations you will face in the future. And you will also understand what life is.

Take them in, and manage. That’s how we grow. The more you repel, the more it goes back to you.

Correct me if I’m wrong. This post and its content are written spontaneously.

Now, go click your own ‘Go’ button! Be it to shower, to cook, to start on your assignments, to cut your nails, or to go out. Do it N O W.

TC.

Brutally Honest #01

Can I start a ‘Brutally Honest’ series of short posts, where I just speak out what is in my mind, just one topic/issue/thought for each post, without having to filter it.

For example,

I hate how the foreign workers have to sweep off your burnt ashes off the ground when they’re still steamy hot. Be more responsible. My parents always remind me, that there are always other ways to solve things. Burn them at the stationed bins. Every design has its purpose. We’re living as one, right? So, be considerate.

T.C

 

I miss writing

Xin Nian Kuai Le.

/

Heaves a weighted sigh as I inch to start this post. I’ve always resonated the number ‘7’ as an unlucky, odd and alienated number, but let’s hope this year will be the year I become me.

Me.
The person who stands firm to her beliefs. Who knows what she wants, and knows that she is the deciding factor of whether happiness is to be with her or not.

I’m not the brightest nor happiest person you would have ever encountered. I admit that. And I’m tired of self-pity. I want to go back to the strong me that keeps pushing herself and never letting herself fall beyond depths. And you know what? I’m glad I’m already on it.

In half a year’s time, I’ll be having my Graduation Exhibition, just like how other design students would have in their last years of study. The day we would all shine within our own little spaces in the event, but our beam of talent will seep through layers of peoples’ hearts , hopefully and I mean let’s all pray that we will win the eyes of the industry people. Because spoiler alert, they are our main target. The part where it’s open to public and to family and friends, it’s mostly celebratory purposes because heck yeah we will be graduating soon! Okay so what about it? Each cohort will have to organise (from scratch okay which means from finding sponsors to location and coming up with a brand) our own Grad Show. And I opted myself as one of the leaders. 

The thing is, I have this love-hate relationship of being a leader. I suck at commitments and being responsible and owning up to it, but at the same time, I love being in the loop of being amongst the firsts to know what’s up and getting to manage/control tasks. It’s fun, but risky and it’ll just zap out a lot of effort. Tons of time I’ve volunteered but only to fail myself, so this time, I want to prove to myself that I can do it. 

That’s one thing, to brush up on my leadership skills. Another thing is, I’m back with coming with daily or weekly plans. Planning on what to do each days till the consultation day so by then, I would have more solid updates or progress on my projects rather to then waste time and produce less satisfactory outcomes that I would be less proud of –

– I just want to be happy. Or happier this year.

To be more grateful with each turnabouts, to live simply and be contented at the slightest things.

To be more daring, to not hesitate and plunge in at every and any opportunities given for self-growth, be it leadership/communication skills/etc.

And most importantly, to live the moment and not to dwell too long in the past.

Those three are my 2017 goals.

TC.

Why I think I might consider taking nutrition courses in the future

I never really have a specific education plan, or career path since O levels. I mean really, that’s why I got myself into the wrong course at the start of my tertiary studies. I mean, freaking IT course, guys. Not saying it’s a bad course. Just not my thing.

Well, as life moved on, as I aged, and as I got to explore and see what the world has to offer for me, I do realise that I love to live life healthily.

I’m the one advocating on healthy living in my family, even though my sister studies about that but isn’t proactive about it. I would be like, “No, we need to have veggies for each meal.”, or “Less oil please”, or at times, I prefer to take over the cooking for the day so that I would get to decide the meal plan.

I love leading life the good way. It makes me feel good knowing I that I take control of what I eat and what my body turns into. Although, I’m urging myself to get back to exercising regularly again after more than a month of slothing. I still strongly believe in living healthily. You might see immediate effect, but in a long run, a few years down the road, you’ll thank yourself for what you have done.

So let’s say, if i decided that design is not what I want as career. Perhaps, more like a passion maybe. Like something I would do as a freelancer, but not like a daily job maybe, then I would consider being a nutritionist? Maybe, reading about it may satisfy my desire to learn and understand nutrition, but I sort of see it in my future plan. Lot’s of maybes and perhaps, all the vagueness of my statements. Cause I’m not fully certain.

TC.

On the tole to meet new friends

If you do not already know what’s going on in most SG teenagers/youth lives right now, or what’s the hype right now, I’ll tell you.

It’s Bigo. A video streaming mobile app.

It gives you instant online friends. And I’m part of the Bigo community, surprisingly. Within weeks, I’ve got more than 20 new friends/acquaintances! That’s pretty fast for someone who leads a lowkey life like me. Not just that, I’ve met with a few!


Up till now I’ve never really socialise much. I can go weeks without meeting any friends, just because I don’t socialise on a daily basis. So this journey is new yet thrilling.

TC.

Wilted

Once again autumn leaves grace the ground

Crunching sounds they comfort us all down

Swept by the wind they move in a fit

Just like them leaves, that flower in me has wilt