Replacement

Things come and go. They grace you with their mere existence,  and leave you with absolute emptiness. Then, you have to scout for anything with a strong impact to replace that emptiness, that unease you have in your mind, heart and at times, soul.

Now, how do you replace the lost you hate seeing. One could say, ‘Just forget it.’, but we all know that line is just like another gleam of light that passes your sight. That particular thing has implanted itself in your memory lane, and to extract it out, you gotta dig deep inside to the roots, to release its hold and grip on the ground, and set it free. No, this is never an easy task, unless it’s already loosely attached, and stand weak and ready to be blown away with a whisper of the wind in your soul.

Once it’s loose, the scars it left on the ground, the marks, the unevenness, the space. It hurts. It might not be physically hurting you, but deep down, it ruins the calamity and the perfectness it brings. The joy it adds to your memories. The sweetness and melodious harmony it brings to your life. They’re all gone, vanished, reaped out of you, with such strength that you could feel and hear every twist and turn. You feel detached. Incomplete. A part of you is gone.

Next, come the waves of anger, sadness, guilt, confusion, that army of emotions crashing down the lane, destroying every bits of happiness, and filling you with the new yet familiar presence you wish you wouldn’t face. The chaos it causes, you don’t even know how you’re supposed to deal with it, but you think they should be there just because. You let it brew and grow, the heat of it engulfing your soul and your surroundings, and in need of attention. Let the world know how raged you are, how torn apart you are, how they should be roaring along with the tides. The energy that broiled up, you cannot contain them. At times, to balance the energy in you, you tend to let it out, by crashing whatever comes in your sight. Let them fall, crack, disperse, shatter, just like you.

You are at your peak. You need something to knock you off. To let you drift away from that bursting emotion. To make you sane, from the state of insanity you have been. To bring the inner you at peace. To be yourself, once again. To spark a light in the darkest cave you have dug. To cover the flame you have lit. To wash away the pouring mud you have caused. To breathe the fresh air you once had. To clear the haze that blinds you. To even the grounds you have spoiled. To rhyme the tune in your life. To straighten the line. To be yourself. To mend your heart. To close the gap. To numb the pain. To stop the bleed. To overcome. To withhold. To cease. To be settled. To be you, once again.

Tears showered your soul. Washing away the bleeding pain.

Windows to your soul is then, opened to let the freshest air and brightest light enter you, moving you away from your solitude.

Armed with experience, tighten with the lessons learnt, you set out on a journey to find the best thing to fill you to the brim. To impress you. Anything wonderful, from learning a new skill, or focusing on a existing work, or getting occupied with multiples loads. Anything that has the might to steer you away from that situation you regret.

How exactly successful could that be?

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Poles

I was told to not look at things literally. With every sight that I see, I should question it’s existence and purpose. Sometimes, looks can be deceiving. Not everything seem the way you think it is. You put your thoughts to it. You predicted its existence. You perceive how things are supposed to be and took it just like that. That’s when you know, you take things for granted. What comes to you may just leave you without an impact. You never value its might, which is the very reason we humans are ignorant and lifeless fools. Everything serves a purpose. Be it to make you smile or to save you life, it held so much dignity. They’re all ready for you but you chose to take and use just a part of it. They could be angled at a certain direction, painted to be as bold as fire, positioned to ease your reach to them, yet you see it, use it, and depend on it but shift your attention to what may be dear to your lives; your demeaning gadgets of all sorts and sizes. For all you could know, with one drop, hit or lost of connection, your gadgets are nothing but intriguing displays. They could easily defeats and backfires its purpose. Whereas, that dear thing you put your lives on, they remain as strong and as loyal to you as it can be.

As I am writing this, I too am among the thousands and hordes of humans who chose to take things lightly. I was talking about a pole in my direction but writing this down on my smart phone. A good example to what I was targeting on. That lot of people who needs to reflect their lives, I’m one of them,  sad to say.

Can I just

My Monday just flipped 180 degrees.

For the first time ever, I’m actually scared of my boss. There were some complications with what I did, and I have that feeling that she’s gonna be mad at me. The fact that she rarely gets angry scared me even more! I hope it’s just merely an impression and not what it will actually turn out to be.

Moving on, I didn’t wear anything fancy today. What a contrast to last Monday. The only thing that so far made my day is, the toilet tissue. Not kidding. I think I’m safe to say that I’ve been in this building, long enough to have my own preference of toilet tissues. Need to thank the toilet cleaner or so for having my favourite tissue in the cubicle I went into.

That complications sort of ruined my mood for the day. I have this strong urge to run away from this situation! When is this internship ending! Guys, 7 more weeks is still quite a long way to go.

Urgh.

Nothing to look forward to.

This is gonna be the shortest post ever. I don’t even care.

Have a cheerful day, yall.

XO

Polyvore!

Salam.

My love for mix and matching clothes has brought me to this wonderful website called ‘Polyvore.com’. Dude, let me tell you. It’s like a huge wardrobe that keeps growing. They have a variety type of clothing, and once you’re in the ‘changing room’, it feels like you own every single thing they have! I was so hooked to that I created an outfit a day ever since I joined it. The steps are really simple. All you have to do is drag them out of their ‘compartments’ and, sort of do a collage with the items, making sure they fit well!

I’ll give you an example on my recent set; ‘Alien Invasion’.

Alien Invasion was inspired by the all-time favourite sci-fi series, Star Wars! You know, I have this thing for graphic designs on clothing. Began with dragging out a Star Wars pullover, and match it up with other pieces. Here you go, a complete outfit for the sci-fi lovers! Pullover and boots; so my style.

#06: Alien invasion

Now, if you’d like to share your style(I rarely flaunt my style, so I took this opportunity to let others know what kind of outfit I would rock in!), hop on to Polyvore.com and start creating sets of outfits! Fret not, it’s free, and easy to use. If you love fashion or shopping, Polyvore would definitely be the place to grace your life all day, every day!

You can have a look at my other sets here: http://ensabie.polyvore.com

Peace out!

XO

Getting accustomed

Salam.

Can I say this before I start? WordPress changed it’s default font and I don’t know if I should hate or like it? It’s a super condensed (wait let me check what font it is) Open Sans and I’m so not use to this new look! Yes, it still looks clean, but I thought we’re going for clean and clear look? No more easy-to-read Helvetica kinda fonts? Or can I actually change my settings? However, I’m beginning to think the font is acceptable. Won’t be a pleasing sight yet. Not so soon, perhaps.

Anywho, it’s the 4th day of Ramadhan, and I finally settled in. Was off for the first two days, and yesterday, I was trying to adjust to fasting while working. Not that bad, honestly. My tummy only notified me that it was hungry at 5pm, no abrupt tummy gigs, colleagues being understanding and respecting towards this faith (even though they still eat around the office as though I can’t smell them but I’m fine with it) and nothing strange or so. Alhamdullilah. This reminds me of a friend who is currently studying in UK and she has to fast for 18 hours. That requires a lot of patience, and I salute those Muslims who lives in UK. I think you guys best define what it is like to fast. Also, I need to keep that in mind if I were to study in UK, Insya Allah one day!

Correspondingly, I have long decided to make full use of this holy month of Ramadhan to reinforce my faith and improve my relationship with the Creator. Brought my earpiece this time to work, and I thought of listening to Quran recitations while working so I won’t fall asleep. My initial instinct was to start with Mishary’s Surah Al-Baqarah recitation because his Quran recitations have been gracing the house for quite sometime. While Youtubing, there was that drop down list of suggested search results, and a couple of different recitations appeared. I thought, maybe I should try out each and every one of them since I think I should have a few preferences of recitations that I like.

I was down with 3 options. Mishary, Al-Qatami or Al-Juhany. The norm Mishary, the soft, soothing with a different tune Al-Qatami, or Terawih-like Al-Juhany. No kidding, it took a while to decide, and some of you might know that I suck at making decisions. Then I started to listen to one, stopped, listened to another, stopped again, tried the other one, stopped, and that goes on for a few minutes! Haha! Yeah I was still deciding which one sounds just perfect, not too slow and one with depth. I just got to admit, A-Qatami’s it is. His has that unique, perfect paced, soothing and heart clenching voice I have yet to listen. Definitely distinct from the rest, and is the closest to how I like the Quran to be read. The different tunes and pitch. Lovely.

If you know me well, you would know that skirts are not in my preferred choice of clothes. I only have 2 functional skirts (2 others were purchased online and they were a little short for me). Skirts to me, symbolises feminism. I know. Yeah I’m a female, but I hate looking girlish. I would gush at skirts on online stores, magazines or pictures, but in reality, I don’t think it suits me. Nor my taste. I prefer tops with pants. Complete with shoes, and not heels. Oh god, never heels, especially stilettos and pump heels. Flats shoes! You have to know I love sneakers, Chealsea boots, loafers, boats, oxfords, brogues, docksides, platform shoes and a few wedges. Well, let’s get back on track. Since its a holy month, I intended to look modest. No offence, you can look modest with pants, but I wanted to take a step further and wear skirts. I would feel accomplished.

Hence, today marks the first day of me donning my dark green skirt for this month. I wore a top that reaches to the hip area, to which, if I did not tuck them in, it would sort of wrap around one third of the quite fluffy skirt(urgh wrong choice of skirt), giving it a weird looking skirt shape. It ruined the natural flow of the skirt, so I tucked the top underneath the skirt. Damn, I look a little too feminine for my taste! I can’t look too lady-like! No way, but I had to. Kept repeating ‘This is so not me!’ on the way to work but I have to stick to what I have planned, right?

This has been quite a long post so far. No I am not done yet with this post but it has exceeded the length I proposed it to be. I’ll just shift it to my next post.

Have a great Ramadhan, and treat it like it’s your last, so you would want to perform the best for it.

To great days ahead,

XO

Modish Monday #01

Salam.

Damn, it’s been so long since I blogged? According to this blog’s stats, the last time I blogged was back in January, which was half a year ago! I miss blogging and I had this sudden and strong urge to do so, thanks to my amazing friend Yusra, who quite regularly update her blog.

Anyways, AHA! Get back to school you kids! June holidays are over, finally. Justice has been once again restored. I mean, I do not have to reach home to seeing my younger siblings chilling down while I was just about to? Now that all of us are busy on weekdays, I think it’s just fair.

Getting back to the main topic, it’s Modish Monday! I’m all dressed up for the day and it felt good. Let’s admit this. The majority of us face this problem of going back to work or school life on weekdays. Just the thought of you getting up early to shower, and getting yourself presentable to face other people, having to fill your empty stomach with food in the morning. Oh such a dreadful day, isn’t it! Yes, I have that ‘Monday Blues’ too, and that would let down my mood for the day. I would not feel that geared up for whatever may come, neither would I be inspired to think of new ideas, and so on. I know I could not totally get rid of this ‘Monday Blues’, so I thought, what could be a better way to turn that gloomy day to a bright one? I have no other incredible ideas but to look and feel great for the day. How? Add a little more effort to my outfit for that day.

Come on, think about it. You would feel more of yourself? That makes you feel comfortable and confident. That itself sort of sets the mood for the day! That’s how it is for me, though. I feel so me, I feel proud of my looks. It’s like no one can bring me down except myself; for when I picked up the wrong pair of shoes to match with my outfit, or when I get silly and tripped. You get what I mean, don’t you? These have been going on for a few weeks, and I only realised I was making this extra effort today. Thus, I thought of giving it a proper name. Googled and tadaa, ‘Modish Monday’!

Remember, do not let other things or people let you down except you. You control how you would want to react to them. You control how people or things would affect you. They may say spiteful words or snide remarks, and certain things can pissed you off, but you decide whether you want to be affected by it and be sad, or take that as a lesson or reminder, and move on! Make use of that opportunity to make your lives better.

A bit of deep uh advice, there. Did you see that coming? I don’t, lol. Moving on, the look for today would be a little bold and earthy? I’d pin down a photo of my outfit once I get the chance to snap one, but for now I would only let you know where I get them from! Ha, tried to be like other beauty bloggers, sharing about where they get their goods from. Nothing wrong, right?

Had a striped top on, with a light denim outer I got from Bugis (oh cheap one eh!). I thought I would further even out my look by wearing a light brown trousers. I needed something to booze up the look now, hence I wore a strong green scarf to look a little sharp. Here was when I made a slightly wrong decision to wear my floral sneakers, thinking it would bring up the earthy vibe my scarf was giving. Nope, it ruined that. I should have worn black shoes instead. Not a big deal, though so yeah.

Enoough of blogging. Got to get down with my tasks for today! Have a great Monday and, Ramadhan Kareem (not too late to say this, eh?).

XO

Vlogs, Coherency and Indie

It’s the third day of blogging, technically second because I forgot to blog yesterday. I don’t know if I want it to be a daily blogging thing or only blog when I feel the need to update. I’ll think through it for now.

Anyway, good morning. It’s only 7:53am now as I am typing these. This post isn’t about what happened yesterday or what will happen today, unlike the first post, but a rambling kind. Sometimes I felt the need to express my opinions on things which matters to me but might not to you.

Last night, a friend whatsapped me a link of her first vlog. I’m so proud of her for taking a leap into doing something she has been dreaming of. Actually, I attempted vlogging a few minutes ago and it turned out fine, just that I wasn’t presentable enough and I don’t have a list of things to talk about. Spontaneously talked throughout the video which isn’t a good thing for me. There weren’t any flow to it. It sucks, lol.

Vlogging has been one of my to-do things but what hindered me from starting one is that first of all, I’m camera shy. I think that’s the same for every beginners so that’s not really an excuse. Contradicting my own points, huh. Well, I don’t have confidence with how I look like too. I have bad skin and I rarely use makeup. There’s definitely some who would just talk about how you look like, and I’m very self-conscious and sensitive about what others have to say about me. I’m still in the process of building self-confidence and self-esteem now, so until I’ve solved them or when I’m more confident about how I look like, no vlogs!

Also, I have this trouble of thinking and talking at the same time? I find it really hard to focus on what I want to say next when I am talking about what I have to say at that moment. The coherency gets cut off at some point and I’d stop to think of how to continue on or where did I stop so I can move on. I don’t know if this is a kind of disease. It should be. I’ve known none who faced such problems, and that creeps me out. Maybe I should seek some psychologist or counsellor or some of such knowledge and find solutions to this problem, but I regarded it as a personal issue, so none knows about this, except well you would know after you have read this.

Managed to cramp in another topic, lol. I have much more things to talk about for each topic for this post, but because I’m aware that there’s not just one topic but two more, I decided to jump in to the next one impatiently.

Anyway, indieeeeeee! Loving indie, or independent music so much these days! The tunes are amazing, they just make you seep in through their music and your emotions are off the hook and changing according to how the music will go by. It’ll bring you to another world, the world the song envisioned. Or rather to a different story of someone’s life. Maybe that happens to all kinds of music too, but indie music has this similar kind of pull towards your emotions and I love that. I think they need more support from fans as they’re building up their own music and planning their next moves themselves. In order to make that happen, you people to support you, and that’s where the fundings come from. I know indie artists are never about money but sharing their music to others, but to get their music to reach to others, they need money and crowd. When someone’s into something, he would want to share with others about that happiness he felt from it, and see how their reactions are. It’s a natural thing. The more people share about it, the more something would spread. That’s basically how music gets known.

I must get going. 3o minutes till I leave for school. I think I shall do such topics in the morning like now, and other daily blogs at night.

To a more organised and accepting society,

XO

Decision, Korean and Inspiration

It’s the first weekend since school reopened, and I’m glad that the week has gone by as smoothly as possible.

As usual, I have my Arabic class in the morning. We had to sit for yet another exam for the module that we are taking. I couldn’t say that it was that hard so I managed to complete it a few minutes before the allocated time was up.

Supposedly after the class ended, I was to be heading to SIT Open House at *Scape, but it was still too early and I don’t have any idea on where to hang out at while waiting for the “The Glaslow School of Art” programme to start. That’s one of the schools that offer the course I am interested in, which is Communication Design. It’s a definite must-go programme and I can’t afford to miss the opportunity to know more about the school and maybe get a glimpse of how the course will be carried out.

We were in the train; me along with my friends, and I was still deciding on whether to go for it. I hate making decisions. It’s one of those terrifying processes that ever existed. What if I made the wrong decision? What if I regret that decision? I can’t simply turn back time and pick the alternate option. It’s impossible. (Maybe, I’m gonna talk about that in a separate post.)

Anyway, I thought of visiting my friends who are on duty at their school’s open house event to kill time. However,I scraped that idea away and went back home instead. Hours later, I left home for a quick dinner with my family. We went to Seoul Garden Hotpot, a korean restaurant at IMM, somewhere nearby because I guess my parents are too lazy or tired to drive.

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Ordered “Kimchi Dubu Jjiage” which is a Kimchi based soup filled with tofus, mushrooms, eggs, vegetables and clams, that came a long with a small bowl of plain rice. It’s surprising how I wasn’t able to finish the rice. The portion of the soup is deceiving! Had to force myself to consume whatever I can, but hay, I still have my cinnamon tea! Felt like a fat old man with the bulging tummy afterwards.

At home, I came across a couple of really inspiring TED videos and some other inspiring sites that convinced me enough to continue on and not to think negatively like how I have been recently. These people are so great and I think there’s no restrictions to how far I can go? They made me realise that I can do so much better than I am now, and that I am definitely not just nothing, but something worthwhile. It is just that I have yet to proof the word of my capabilities.

I have always thought that if people can do that, why can’t I? After all, we’re humans, made of skeletons, flesh and souls. That sounds very cliche but if you think about it, it makes sense. Everyone is genius in their own ways, no doubt. It’s how you actually utilise that genius in you and how proactive you are in doing things that you are passionate or good about? I’ve learnt from one of the videos I’ve watched earlier today, that “the major barrier to skill acquisition isn’t intellectual, but emotional”. It’s your fear and self-doubt that stop you from trying out something new. You’re afraid to go out of your boundaries and explore things that you actually are capable of.

I’ve also learnt to dare to fail. It is through your failures that you can witness on your weaknesses and learnt from them. It is through your failures that tells you how much more holes that you need to fill up. It is indeed through your failures that sometimes teach you to be humble and thus letting you know that knowledge is wide, which has no end to it. You can never be at the peak of your knowledge. There’s more to discover, to understand and so on.

I think I have rambled on a little bit far off the content I intended to have for this post. Now, and for the following posts to come, I have decided to end them with the self-reflection questions below for self-referrence.

To courage, self-believe, commitment and more,

XO.

//

Q: What have I learnt today?

A: Ways to be happy, about skill acquisition, steps to learn a new skill and how long it takes to do so. A little about introversion from a book I am reading. To compromise, and be thankful. To be more positive in life, and there’s always other routes to take. To get what you can consume.

Q: What could I improve on today?

A: Time management, as always. To stick to plans and not ditch it. Respect towards elders. Self-confidence and self-respect.

Q: Anything productive? 

A: Did some thinking for my video resume. Read ‘Quiet’. Getting inspired with videos and online posts.