Vlogs, Coherency and Indie

It’s the third day of blogging, technically second because I forgot to blog yesterday. I don’t know if I want it to be a daily blogging thing or only blog when I feel the need to update. I’ll think through it for now.

Anyway, good morning. It’s only 7:53am now as I am typing these. This post isn’t about what happened yesterday or what will happen today, unlike the first post, but a rambling kind. Sometimes I felt the need to express my opinions on things which matters to me but might not to you.

Last night, a friend whatsapped me a link of her first vlog. I’m so proud of her for taking a leap into doing something she has been dreaming of. Actually, I attempted vlogging a few minutes ago and it turned out fine, just that I wasn’t presentable enough and I don’t have a list of things to talk about. Spontaneously talked throughout the video which isn’t a good thing for me. There weren’t any flow to it. It sucks, lol.

Vlogging has been one of my to-do things but what hindered me from starting one is that first of all, I’m camera shy. I think that’s the same for every beginners so that’s not really an excuse. Contradicting my own points, huh. Well, I don’t have confidence with how I look like too. I have bad skin and I rarely use makeup. There’s definitely some who would just talk about how you look like, and I’m very self-conscious and sensitive about what others have to say about me. I’m still in the process of building self-confidence and self-esteem now, so until I’ve solved them or when I’m more confident about how I look like, no vlogs!

Also, I have this trouble of thinking and talking at the same time? I find it really hard to focus on what I want to say next when I am talking about what I have to say at that moment. The coherency gets cut off at some point and I’d stop to think of how to continue on or where did I stop so I can move on. I don’t know if this is a kind of disease. It should be. I’ve known none who faced such problems, and that creeps me out. Maybe I should seek some psychologist or counsellor or some of such knowledge and find solutions to this problem, but I regarded it as a personal issue, so none knows about this, except well you would know after you have read this.

Managed to cramp in another topic, lol. I have much more things to talk about for each topic for this post, but because I’m aware that there’s not just one topic but two more, I decided to jump in to the next one impatiently.

Anyway, indieeeeeee! Loving indie, or independent music so much these days! The tunes are amazing, they just make you seep in through their music and your emotions are off the hook and changing according to how the music will go by. It’ll bring you to another world, the world the song envisioned. Or rather to a different story of someone’s life. Maybe that happens to all kinds of music too, but indie music has this similar kind of pull towards your emotions and I love that. I think they need more support from fans as they’re building up their own music and planning their next moves themselves. In order to make that happen, you people to support you, and that’s where the fundings come from. I know indie artists are never about money but sharing their music to others, but to get their music to reach to others, they need money and crowd. When someone’s into something, he would want to share with others about that happiness he felt from it, and see how their reactions are. It’s a natural thing. The more people share about it, the more something would spread. That’s basically how music gets known.

I must get going. 3o minutes till I leave for school. I think I shall do such topics in the morning like now, and other daily blogs at night.

To a more organised and accepting society,

XO

Decision, Korean and Inspiration

It’s the first weekend since school reopened, and I’m glad that the week has gone by as smoothly as possible.

As usual, I have my Arabic class in the morning. We had to sit for yet another exam for the module that we are taking. I couldn’t say that it was that hard so I managed to complete it a few minutes before the allocated time was up.

Supposedly after the class ended, I was to be heading to SIT Open House at *Scape, but it was still too early and I don’t have any idea on where to hang out at while waiting for the “The Glaslow School of Art” programme to start. That’s one of the schools that offer the course I am interested in, which is Communication Design. It’s a definite must-go programme and I can’t afford to miss the opportunity to know more about the school and maybe get a glimpse of how the course will be carried out.

We were in the train; me along with my friends, and I was still deciding on whether to go for it. I hate making decisions. It’s one of those terrifying processes that ever existed. What if I made the wrong decision? What if I regret that decision? I can’t simply turn back time and pick the alternate option. It’s impossible. (Maybe, I’m gonna talk about that in a separate post.)

Anyway, I thought of visiting my friends who are on duty at their school’s open house event to kill time. However,I scraped that idea away and went back home instead. Hours later, I left home for a quick dinner with my family. We went to Seoul Garden Hotpot, a korean restaurant at IMM, somewhere nearby because I guess my parents are too lazy or tired to drive.

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Ordered “Kimchi Dubu Jjiage” which is a Kimchi based soup filled with tofus, mushrooms, eggs, vegetables and clams, that came a long with a small bowl of plain rice. It’s surprising how I wasn’t able to finish the rice. The portion of the soup is deceiving! Had to force myself to consume whatever I can, but hay, I still have my cinnamon tea! Felt like a fat old man with the bulging tummy afterwards.

At home, I came across a couple of really inspiring TED videos and some other inspiring sites that convinced me enough to continue on and not to think negatively like how I have been recently. These people are so great and I think there’s no restrictions to how far I can go? They made me realise that I can do so much better than I am now, and that I am definitely not just nothing, but something worthwhile. It is just that I have yet to proof the word of my capabilities.

I have always thought that if people can do that, why can’t I? After all, we’re humans, made of skeletons, flesh and souls. That sounds very cliche but if you think about it, it makes sense. Everyone is genius in their own ways, no doubt. It’s how you actually utilise that genius in you and how proactive you are in doing things that you are passionate or good about? I’ve learnt from one of the videos I’ve watched earlier today, that “the major barrier to skill acquisition isn’t intellectual, but emotional”. It’s your fear and self-doubt that stop you from trying out something new. You’re afraid to go out of your boundaries and explore things that you actually are capable of.

I’ve also learnt to dare to fail. It is through your failures that you can witness on your weaknesses and learnt from them. It is through your failures that tells you how much more holes that you need to fill up. It is indeed through your failures that sometimes teach you to be humble and thus letting you know that knowledge is wide, which has no end to it. You can never be at the peak of your knowledge. There’s more to discover, to understand and so on.

I think I have rambled on a little bit far off the content I intended to have for this post. Now, and for the following posts to come, I have decided to end them with the self-reflection questions below for self-referrence.

To courage, self-believe, commitment and more,

XO.

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Q: What have I learnt today?

A: Ways to be happy, about skill acquisition, steps to learn a new skill and how long it takes to do so. A little about introversion from a book I am reading. To compromise, and be thankful. To be more positive in life, and there’s always other routes to take. To get what you can consume.

Q: What could I improve on today?

A: Time management, as always. To stick to plans and not ditch it. Respect towards elders. Self-confidence and self-respect.

Q: Anything productive? 

A: Did some thinking for my video resume. Read ‘Quiet’. Getting inspired with videos and online posts.