Huat ah!

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Prapp prapp prapp prapppp! “-and a Happy New Year!~”

Ah, new day new year new sets of resolution, maybe new look new vibe new things, but definitely just another chapter of life. Yet to be discovered. I am always the kind that does not hype up any sorts of celebration, so my game for new year was a quiet one. I wasn’t even counting down. The last moment I remembered was that, I was gazing into the eyes of a stray black cat, that was lingering outside my house. It was scary. Then the next thing I know, I glanced at my phone, and tapped to see that it was 8 minutes past midnight. My fireworks were the intense eye-to-eye moment with a feline creature.

A year gone. Ironically, speedy. How can 365 days disappear within the hour? How can you compare that to the blink of an eye? It is when those days become memories, that starts to fade. No longer present, nor the anticipations.

To recap, last year was a slow, chill kind of year. Not much of hammering myself into new experiences. I started to appreciate more of what I have. The year I realised my potentials and finally mapped out my career path. Half the year was spent upgrading myself as a designer. I wasn’t among the list of top students, but I took heaps of personal risks to step up my game. Taking up responsibilities as a leader, handling mediums I was very foreign with, and I mustered up the courage to be more socially responsible.

Who would have thought during that course of study, I:

  • Designed my graduation show booklet
  • Managed and led a team of 10 people for the graduation show, for 6 months
  • Made decisions and contributed my voice as a leader and main decision makers of the graduation show
  • Dealt with book/poster/booklet designs (mediums I have not tried before)
  • Worked with an NGO singlehandedly for an FYP project. Conducted meeting, interviewed people for insights, went to one of their events to document emotions and first-person experiences, to deriving a solution heavily backed with research
  • Attended IAS Career Fair and participated in a ‘speed interview’ of 4 minutes each with pronounced directors of big advertising companies.
  • Went to Melbourne and ate good food, thrift shopped, cafe hopped, and ventured around alone

And when I wore the mortarboard, at least I felt accomplished as I delved into projects and decisions that I never would have attempted before.

My intention to keep a low status on social medias has led me to not post anything on Facebook and Instagram. Yes, for a whole year. My anxiety dropped a little. I don’t feel the pressure to always make good impressions. And all the special moments, were all privately documented. I have seen through countless of self-doubts, days of depression and the rejections of what I was capable of. Enough to the point where I have set 2018 to be the chapter where I see rejections as learning curves, and declutter all the negative influences immediately. I want to make quick actions for the better.

I had enough of tolerating with big things last year, for the small vibe in exchange. This year, I will be back as the daring me, but now full of warmth in the inside. You don’t change, you grow. I am going to spike things up my wardrobe, start new self projects, dive into my career path, spend more time with family and feel more connected with myself.

2018: Career, Individualism, Family

And as quoted off pyperblue or catscreature’s IG story, “You make the best out of everything, and not expect the best out of everything.”

Embrace or accept that imperfection.

TC&Wassalam

 

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Boats of voyages

Everyone has their own stories, not to be shared, but accepted and respected. So do you and I. What’s on the social media platforms are just fragments of our lives. What we agreed to show to the world is just a portion of us. What’s behind, the lefts, the off-screen moments, is another part of you, that completes your whole story. And it is up to people to perceive it however they want. Cause no one knows. 

My point is, in whatever forms of you that people know, you deserve to be respected and accepted. You don’t have to understand to be respectful. There are things in life we cannot comprehend, let’s face it. We do not represent everyone and therefore it is hardly that we understand everyone. However on the belief that things happen for a reason, I choose to believe that whatever it is, there is a purpose, a journey, a story to tell. I learned that you cannot really take the entirety of a form from just the face value. I have instilled in me the fact that appearances matter the least. As part of my learning journey to analyse my perspectives as a designer, I took that same approach when it comes to the people around me. It allows me to be more accepting and open-minded. Albeit my outer impression, I actually am capable of mixing with different people. I don’t go with whys, but whos. Then curiosity engulfs me and I just want to learn more. Heck, we might sail on different boats, but now I know what you’re up to. 

Don’t just close your doors, people. Let the air in, learn and respect that these are happening. Have a matured approach and view. 

Do not jump on the bandwagon of life

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Not mine. Giphy’s

All thanks to Allah, the Almighty, for the existence of this blog, and how it has well documented my growth as a human being. It is okay to be flawed, because a few years down the road, you will look at it and accept it as part of a journey.

I am enjoying how my journey has become thus far. Not perfect, not an A-lister, but to be able to witness how far I have grown in terms of my perspectives and way of thinking, is a beautiful thing. The sad gloomy days where I doubted myself to the point where I wake up feeling anxious and self-pity, are just a waste of time. I want to learn to see these emotions as an object, or something I hold distance to me, and be able to control how I want it to affect me. Just like the movie Inside Out.

Today I was blessed with this outstanding unbelievable interview video on Youtube that I stumbled upon. Yeah, I watched the entire one hour plus video because it was so benefitting. How can I not see that I am not the only one with this dilemma in life. I think this will benefit those people like me who are pursuing a creative job. Super inspiring. Heck, I think this suits everyone, because it teaches you to pace yourself, without competition, and motivates you to achieve your goals, practically and objectively. My view on Sylvia has changed tremendously! And to be honest, Andie did a great job with the pre-interview research and making the interview a comfortable process.

Life is unlike binary numbers. There are no right or wrong ways to lead your life. You have to go through the hard way of finding out what suits you, by taking leaps of faith. I think creative people are like the disruptors of the ‘binary’/black and white structure of life. Some might not support that decision to be creative, maybe because they are not daring enough to bend the rules, or they are just not aware of such different perspectives. I see myself as the ‘rebel’. If people say no, I would do the opposite. Why? It is so thrilling to experience something new, to be different. Some do not support my decision to pursue this, but that actually motivates me to educate these people. On how being creative helps you see new perspectives, think smartly, live with a purpose-driven life. This is such a huge milestone and a very vague goal, but will Allah’s will and my own confidence, I will slowly build this up.

My execution might not be perfect. I may not be Masters of any, but I am always willing to give things a shot, always thinking of new ideas, always trying to understand things. I’m tired of thinking that I am a loser, because I am not.

It frustrates me how people view insignificantly of what being creative can do. I am a Communication Designer, who aims to help and educate people, through creative thinking and solutions that are purpose driven. By no means am I a Master of any, but I believe in my resilience and enthusiasm to generate ideas and make them work. I want to be in an environment that allows me to be critically challenged and grow with an open mind, yet values my voice and opinions. My goal is to focus on getting the right message to the right audience, with visuals that flirts with the brains and not the eyes of humans. It’s such a nice thing isn’t it, to allow people to see things in a different light.

Gosh, how do you sell ideas and not skills? I think I need to cater my portfolio to that.

TC&Wassalam.

A possible career plan?

Not mine. Giphy’s

Talking about this reminds me of a dear friend whom during my secondary school years was super clear about what she wants to be and the how-tos as well. She scribbled her path onto a paper cardboard, the kind you would get at the back of a foolscap paper as she explained to me. Of course I was jealous because I wasn’t even sure what I want to be, let alone how to reach there. 

It’s tough to figure out what I want to do as a life-long career. It took years. I found myself in the design industry and am somehow struggling to get the hang of it. At this point, I don’t want to to waste time exploring, but more of settling down and go for it. So I’ve chosen to be a designer as a career. Hopefully a multidisciplinary designer or a communication designer, or even an art director. Definitely as of now, I want to secure the position of a communication designer for around 10 years. After that, I want to try art/creative directing or freelancing for another 10 years. In between, I want to learn entrepreneurship and start conducting workshops and classes and InsyaAllah own my own studio. 

And then, the next phase is to teach design and creativity, to anyone who wants to use creativity in life/work/school. It’s a dream to be able to share what I learn and inspire people to think creatively. I want to change the perception that creativity is only for the ‘gifted’ people, and educate people on the importance of being creative. Not just people, but mums and brands too. This world needs a little bit of donuts with sprinkles. Maybe during this phase, I want to publish my own books or collaborate with people. Maybe the collaboration can start at an earlier phase. Let me name this the ‘Spreading inspirations’ phase. 

After the peak of my career, I want to settle down knowing I’ve passed down my legacy in this world, and live a simple life. Maybe become a bus driver, have the weekends for goreng pisangs and teh tarik sessions with my future husband, go for fitness sessions with friends, cook delicious food and create my own garden and recipes at home, maybe also make custom tailored clothing for customers. Just like my late grandma. Being creative and independent in her own ways. 

Be bold with your dreams. 

TC&Wassalam

Why be like others?

(Not mine, Giphy’s)

Why do I want to be like others? Why do I aspire to be like others when I have my own powers and I need to really appreciate myself more… I realised this habit of mine where everytime I am amazed by people especially friends, I want to mimic them. Like this friend is witty and I want to be like her. Another friend is an all rounder and I want to be like him. In the end, its a non-ending pursuit of chasing others and it’s not heathy for my well-being! Like, stop getting so down and disappointed every damn time you see people like these, Sab. Realise your full potentials and be YOU. Know your strengths and slowly add up your skills. You’re not in a competition my dear, so stop comparing yourself okay. Trust yourself abit more, tweak abit, and stand strong. Try take these people as your motivators, not competitors. And just practicr lor.

Maybe I need to sit down and actually realise my potentials. I am so happy to see my friends who are blessed with their own set of talents. And it makes me think that I do have my own talents. It’s just that I don’t see it yet. 

I know how I want my 2018 to be. It’s never too late. 

Bad mornings

It sucks, waking up to feeling hopeless and thinking I’m worthless, because I’ve got no luck with any job positions thus far. It brought me down to a point where, I wonder why I even graduated or pursue design. That bad. And I kept comparing my work with my peers, like I’ve lost all superpowers I ever thought I have and can have.

I know I’m supposed to be patient, because I believe that whatever it is, it’s the best decisions God has planned out for me. Nonetheless I can’t help but feel so stupid.

It’s exhausting. I need all the strengths I can get, to last me throughout whatever’s left of this year. Yes, I know that stakes are high especially during the end of the year.

God, just let me be accepting of this, and bless me with strength and patience. That’s all.

TC&Wassalam

I’m not ladylike, will I?

I’m that weird girl who says she’s not ladylike, likes to randomly shout at her siblings for fun, not poised at all at home, neither outside with constant burps which is something she’s quite known for.

But, she’s also the girl that lowkey wishes to have all of traditional Siti Nurhaliza songs for her wedding. Plus some songs from Blue please. And when I get bored of songs with vocals on that day, just play instrumental of indie songs. 

I guess when I admit that I’m not wanita melayu terakhir, I actually secretly sort of wish I am. I changed alot that I grow fond of traditional Malay songs. Past me won’t approve or neither understand this. It’s okay cause life is a mystery after all. But alahai dondang sayang so ayu the songs I can never actually imagine myself portraying the ayu image. Friends if you are reading this, can you ever imagine me in a batik and songket and be so lemah longlai?? Hahahah impossible! Who knows when I grow even older like in 3 years time or something I can actually can pull that image huh.

Anyway yeah, I’m actually listening to ‘Anugerah Aidilfitri’ now. So let me just daydream that I am Siti Nurhaliza. Hahaha!

TC&Wassalam

Sighs, with love;

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Not mine. From Giphy

I’m always on this journey of growth. We all are. We’re always finding ways to define ourselves as we age. In fact with every increase in numbers that remind us of how long we have exist in this life, we’re always trying to redefine. (Okay so today, life to me means, many times of redefining ourselves.)

This blog I’m subscribed to, brought up this thing about how she pictures her relationship to be. She wants a matured relationship. A relationship that doesn’t consist of flutters every minute, because there’s trust. Like, you know the ones we all will experience after marriage. It perhaps goes like, “Oh god why did I wake up to you again, but oh well you’re the person that saves me from insanity, so I guess I have to make you breakfast after this…” I pictured the conversation would turn out that way.

And she mentioned something along the lines of not wanting the giddiness of love. And that struck me. And at that moment, I decided that I too, want that kind of love. I want to be in a state where I feel secured and independent but at the same time know that he has my back all the time, even if he hasn’t utter sweet words to me in a while. I want to stay out of that giddiness.

Is that possible?

TC&Wassalam

My own tank of moments


(Gif is not mine. From Giphy)

Am I considered selfish to savour precious moments and only keep them to myself? It’s really nice when people share theirs over the social medias, but I just couldn’t do that 90% of the time. I treat these moments like our own little secrets. Let me purely enjoy those moments, take in whatever feelings they give, and soak them in. Sometimes I felt the need to fish out my phone/camera and record everything. But at times, I just wanted to be in the present and feel as much as I can before they become fleeting memories.

If we ever go out together, and you catch me dreaming or just observing the situation, completely lost or silent, that means I’m capturing the moment.

//

I’m still relishing the date I had yesterday as I write this down. So fun, a day full of adventure, laughters, stories, full tummies and insect bites around a place in the country that I have not ventured before. It’s so true isn’t it when they say you gotta find the right company to have fun with. The place doesn’t matter when you are with the best.

TC&Wassalam

Sources of inspiration

(Not mine. From Giphy)

Wow, it took me this long to realise I’ve actually gotten inspired from soooo many things! It was past midnight and I was reading this post on how art directors get inspired from and then do I realise that, some were similar to mine. Lemme list them:

1) Screenshots a habit: Um I have a confession. I do stalk people and accounts on Instagram( who doesn’t) and actually screenshots when needed. When it comes to this, I’ve got balls to let it be known that I did screenshot your posts hahah! Instagram notifies users when their stuff are being screenshot(ted) right? I mean unless you are insecure about what you put online then you should not be worried. I do this to friends, designers, design brands, random accounts. I screenshot what they’re wearing or using, their techniques, the colours, the places,  tbh anything that counts as tips and tricks. For example, my friend went to a pretty place for picnic, so I would just screenshot that Instagram story. Makes things easier right? Another reason was that I’m too shy to ask.

2)Reading online articles/blogs: I have this habit of reading online posts of interesting topics about culture or current issues to food and discoveries at night before bed. The things I learn actually inspires me to think differently and be more empathetic towards people/animals/things. I avoid reading tragic stories because I feel too much. Yesterday I was reading about Scott Disick and Sophie Richie and how her dad doesn’t seem to like how the relationship was going because of who Scott is. And Sophie looks so matured and she’s just so fine PDA-ing with a dad. I don’t just read from one article, I actually Googled who Scott and Sophie are, etc. 

3) Going out with myself: Either I’m bad with friendships or I just enjoy alone time without having to make plans, yeah I’m used to doing things alone. Like going to design or social events alone, went to a restaurant once by myself, watched movies  and shopped alone too. It’s becoming a thing and I actually feel like a loner sometimes but it makes me feel free and a little like an adventurer. Maybe because it takes courage to do so or because the priority is me. But being by myself allows me to absorb my surroundings like I’m a traveller, taking things on my own pace, observing and think alot about life and perspectives. It gives me room to breathe and think.

4) Youtube! : We all already know Youtube is like the alternative for Google for those visual people. If you can’t be bothered Googling how to do things, you can just search it up on Youtube and it’s all there. Tutorials, reviews, vlogs, random things like Good Mythical Morning videos are my kinda range. I’ve my own subcribed list of Youtubers who have awesome personalities and perspectives who I take inspiration from. Did mention a few on my previous posts though so go check them out. But yeah I’m a visual person and I like to cut the chase and not having to mentally visualise the techniques etc so Youtube does the job. 

5) Colours of buildings: I have this recent fascination of just admiring buildings that have really nice colour coordination! And it gives me inspiration of possible colour combinations. Often I would forget or too embarrassed to snap a shot of the buildings so it’s something I want to work on. 

6) I like people watching: Oh this is one of my favourite pastimes when I’m on the public transports other than dozing off. It’s just so nice to see people’s faces and bodies, what they might be up to, who they are, why they’re behaving that way. It intrigues me. I was in the train on the way back home and I stood infront of a Filipino lady who was leaning at her supposed Bangladeshi boyfriend. And her ‘boyfriend’ was holding hands with another Bangladeshi guy sitting beside him. It’s only because I researched about Bangladeshi migrant workers for my school project that I understood the situation. Holding a fellow mate’s hand to them signifies how they are truly brothers who have each others’ backs. Its a symbol of true friendship. While the relationship of the lady and the guy is an ongoing reality of what’s happening to migrant workers in Singapore when they are longing for love. It’s interesting isn’t it? Love, life, people, culture.

7) Music gives me vibes: I’m someone who feels alot. Emotional. I simply love how melodies and tunes without vocals are just enough to tell the stories behind the songs. Music can make me cry, laugh, motivated, everything on the list. And it is one of my way of escaping creative blocks or reviving the uninspired me. I would listen to songs, play it on my ukulele, and sing along. I’m truly blessed to be able to sing so I tend to entertain myself. If songs do struck me in a way, I would search up the meanings behind the songs, understand the words, and ultimately understand the song and the way it is produced. You know what, I’m so amazed at how singers are so brave to share parts of their lives to people. We’re talking about thousands of people they’re sharing their personal stories too. I was watching Carpool Karaoke with Miley Cyrus as the guest star. She already has an outstanding and powerful voice that I admire. But the thing that captured my heart was how honest she was with her music and she did admit the courses of her life as her music progresses. She did songs certain ways according to her state of mind and health. It’s so beautiful then when she sang to her songs because they are so true to ther words and emotions, so raw and honest. I love and envy that. I truly envy people with character.

8) I talk to mysef alot: Last but not least, it’s this bad habit of mine. I talk to myself alot. Sometimes aloud. I always imagine discussing issues with imaginary people. Like I would imagine being interviewed and I would discuss about my perspectives on the issues. It helps me think critically though this habit should be stopped because it is creeping me out. And this happens every day. Sometimes I would do it unconsciously while showering and I would stop halfway and tell myself(or my mind) to shut up. It can be exhausting. But yeah it trains me to think deeply of issues or anything tbh. Anything that was on my mind. 

Okay I started off this post, so eager to pin down the points and now I’m struggling to end this lengthy post. I tend to overlook what I do. Maybe I need to pace things out and actually live in the moment to truly absorbed what I have been doing. And be more confident and be in the state of awareness. 

Be more confident Sabie!

TC&Wassalam