My own tank of moments


(Gif is not mine. From Giphy)

Am I considered selfish to savour precious moments and only keep them to myself? It’s really nice when people share theirs over the social medias, but I just couldn’t do that 90% of the time. I treat these moments like our own little secrets. Let me purely enjoy those moments, take in whatever feelings they give, and soak them in. Sometimes I felt the need to fish out my phone/camera and record everything. But at times, I just wanted to be in the present and feel as much as I can before they become fleeting memories.

If we ever go out together, and you catch me dreaming or just observing the situation, completely lost or silent, that means I’m capturing the moment.

//

I’m still relishing the date I had yesterday as I write this down. So fun, a day full of adventure, laughters, stories, full tummies and insect bites around a place in the country that I have not ventured before. It’s so true isn’t it when they say you gotta find the right company to have fun with. The place doesn’t matter when you are with the best.

TC&Wassalam

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Sources of inspiration

(Not mine. From Giphy)

Wow, it took me this long to realise I’ve actually gotten inspired from soooo many things! It was past midnight and I was reading this post on how art directors get inspired from and then do I realise that, some were similar to mine. Lemme list them:

1) Screenshots a habit: Um I have a confession. I do stalk people and accounts on Instagram( who doesn’t) and actually screenshots when needed. When it comes to this, I’ve got balls to let it be known that I did screenshot your posts hahah! Instagram notifies users when their stuff are being screenshot(ted) right? I mean unless you are insecure about what you put online then you should not be worried. I do this to friends, designers, design brands, random accounts. I screenshot what they’re wearing or using, their techniques, the colours, the places,  tbh anything that counts as tips and tricks. For example, my friend went to a pretty place for picnic, so I would just screenshot that Instagram story. Makes things easier right? Another reason was that I’m too shy to ask.

2)Reading online articles/blogs: I have this habit of reading online posts of interesting topics about culture or current issues to food and discoveries at night before bed. The things I learn actually inspires me to think differently and be more empathetic towards people/animals/things. I avoid reading tragic stories because I feel too much. Yesterday I was reading about Scott Disick and Sophie Richie and how her dad doesn’t seem to like how the relationship was going because of who Scott is. And Sophie looks so matured and she’s just so fine PDA-ing with a dad. I don’t just read from one article, I actually Googled who Scott and Sophie are, etc. 

3) Going out with myself: Either I’m bad with friendships or I just enjoy alone time without having to make plans, yeah I’m used to doing things alone. Like going to design or social events alone, went to a restaurant once by myself, watched movies  and shopped alone too. It’s becoming a thing and I actually feel like a loner sometimes but it makes me feel free and a little like an adventurer. Maybe because it takes courage to do so or because the priority is me. But being by myself allows me to absorb my surroundings like I’m a traveller, taking things on my own pace, observing and think alot about life and perspectives. It gives me room to breathe and think.

4) Youtube! : We all already know Youtube is like the alternative for Google for those visual people. If you can’t be bothered Googling how to do things, you can just search it up on Youtube and it’s all there. Tutorials, reviews, vlogs, random things like Good Mythical Morning videos are my kinda range. I’ve my own subcribed list of Youtubers who have awesome personalities and perspectives who I take inspiration from. Did mention a few on my previous posts though so go check them out. But yeah I’m a visual person and I like to cut the chase and not having to mentally visualise the techniques etc so Youtube does the job. 

5) Colours of buildings: I have this recent fascination of just admiring buildings that have really nice colour coordination! And it gives me inspiration of possible colour combinations. Often I would forget or too embarrassed to snap a shot of the buildings so it’s something I want to work on. 

6) I like people watching: Oh this is one of my favourite pastimes when I’m on the public transports other than dozing off. It’s just so nice to see people’s faces and bodies, what they might be up to, who they are, why they’re behaving that way. It intrigues me. I was in the train on the way back home and I stood infront of a Filipino lady who was leaning at her supposed Bangladeshi boyfriend. And her ‘boyfriend’ was holding hands with another Bangladeshi guy sitting beside him. It’s only because I researched about Bangladeshi migrant workers for my school project that I understood the situation. Holding a fellow mate’s hand to them signifies how they are truly brothers who have each others’ backs. Its a symbol of true friendship. While the relationship of the lady and the guy is an ongoing reality of what’s happening to migrant workers in Singapore when they are longing for love. It’s interesting isn’t it? Love, life, people, culture.

7) Music gives me vibes: I’m someone who feels alot. Emotional. I simply love how melodies and tunes without vocals are just enough to tell the stories behind the songs. Music can make me cry, laugh, motivated, everything on the list. And it is one of my way of escaping creative blocks or reviving the uninspired me. I would listen to songs, play it on my ukulele, and sing along. I’m truly blessed to be able to sing so I tend to entertain myself. If songs do struck me in a way, I would search up the meanings behind the songs, understand the words, and ultimately understand the song and the way it is produced. You know what, I’m so amazed at how singers are so brave to share parts of their lives to people. We’re talking about thousands of people they’re sharing their personal stories too. I was watching Carpool Karaoke with Miley Cyrus as the guest star. She already has an outstanding and powerful voice that I admire. But the thing that captured my heart was how honest she was with her music and she did admit the courses of her life as her music progresses. She did songs certain ways according to her state of mind and health. It’s so beautiful then when she sang to her songs because they are so true to ther words and emotions, so raw and honest. I love and envy that. I truly envy people with character.

8) I talk to mysef alot: Last but not least, it’s this bad habit of mine. I talk to myself alot. Sometimes aloud. I always imagine discussing issues with imaginary people. Like I would imagine being interviewed and I would discuss about my perspectives on the issues. It helps me think critically though this habit should be stopped because it is creeping me out. And this happens every day. Sometimes I would do it unconsciously while showering and I would stop halfway and tell myself(or my mind) to shut up. It can be exhausting. But yeah it trains me to think deeply of issues or anything tbh. Anything that was on my mind. 

Okay I started off this post, so eager to pin down the points and now I’m struggling to end this lengthy post. I tend to overlook what I do. Maybe I need to pace things out and actually live in the moment to truly absorbed what I have been doing. And be more confident and be in the state of awareness. 

Be more confident Sabie!

TC&Wassalam

First vlog and found vibe

Haiiiiii guys. Okay, I’ve been longing to update about things that’s happening but ya know this isn’t on my priority list, so yeah.

FIRST UP, my first vlog is UP on the net. Private, ofcourse. So this is the plan. I’ll only provide links to my vlogs through this blog. So here’s my first ever vlog, don’t hate but appreciate because I’m new to this.

(Excuse while I experiment with colour correcting on my videos!)

Oh and guess what, I’m slowly starting to form my own vibe. Heck I don’t know if it’s legit a thing to commit, but as of now, yeah I’m so certain. So I’m back on my feet editing resumes and stuff. I just need to get a job to make everything going. So that’s on my TOP priority list right now.

I can’t comprehend nor digest this recent infatuation for art. Like I’m starting to love art, which used to be something foreign to me, that I struggled to sort of understand and be part of it. Art and design are two different things, if you don’t know yet. Art is your own form of self-expression towards whatever matter in life, yours or not (this is based on my own interpretation btw) and design is your own take on given briefs, usually for your clients. It’s so weird that I find myself wanting to experiment with textures and dimensions, colours and do varieties of hands on stuff. At least now I know what to do to reignite my confidence. It’s such a therapeutic thing, you know. I have yet to bind a themeless empty 1cm booklet, make a poster with some ciggy boxes, die cut some papers to layer, play with some cotton strings, so many things to try!

Which made me decide on one of my 2018 resolutions: To embrace myself. Be okay with who I am, make use of what I have, and make them my strong points. You know, like I used to push away that nostalgic part of me, but now I’m leaning towards making that as part of my aesthetics. Be it in the things I do or how I present myself. It’s not a must, but just a way out to more self-appreciation.

There’s so many things to talk about but I’m saving some for my chatty videos :D

TC&Wassalam!

A lil piece of freedom

I’m truly contented with how this week has been. Saw and experienced alot of new things, and the most important one;

My little taste of freedom!!

As you might have already know, I have not been in tune with myself for weeeeks. And so for this week’s attempt, I can never be more grateful than to have finally found a bit of my vibe. I love talking to myself. I do that everyday – unconsciously, as if I have alot to share to ~everyone~ and I have been seeing myself doing vlogs, and so I started vlogging. Ofcourse I wasn’t comfortable talking to a camera. I feel dumb and when I was outside filming, I tried my best to ignore people from my peripheral view. I was a total noob trying to figure out how vlogging works. 

Let me tell you, it’s tiring! You really have to think of what shots or angles to take, and when to take clips. The constant effort to fish out the camera without looking like you’re a tourist, and then you have to discreetly lift up the camera trying to blend in but of course others around you know you are up to something. It’s tough. And guess what, those are all half of what I have to do. Those are pre-production; shooting videos and stuff. I have yet to do the post-production stuff and ohhh boy I am acing so well with procrastination. Ok, might have rant a little but overall, it was fun fun fun and, I thought vlogging is enough for the week. But surprisingly I find myself planning out what to shoot for next week’s vlog! I’m still shy. Camera shy and people shy, so can you imagine how much energy have I invested thus far. 

And, I have to give the standing ovation to Conan Gray. The quirky nostalgic guy on Youtube who made me realise that, it is okay to be weird and be yourself, and feel nostalgic at the same time. The one who has lent me his freedom of being able to be confident and strong, given his circumstances. And me, trying to emulate that so I can feel his freedom, I too began my attempts at vlogging. 

I want to have the freedom to be okay with who I am, the freedom to be who I want to be, no matter what others are going to say. I can always make my little space of freedom with my given environment, just like how Conan did. Just like how CatsCreature did. She’s another Youtuber that I am increasingly getting fond of, because she’s quiet like me but she creates her own creative bubble successfully. I want to get that experience too.

You know, that’s why sometimes I feel like getting out of whatever circle I am in, and be far from any expectations, so I can roam around and slowly discover life. And I have always sort of, see myself living in an apartment, out of country for college/work maybe, and vlog, and walk around the neighborhood and discover secret places and thrift shop, and walk pass the cafes just to get the smell of coffee. And if I get an apartment with direct sunlight, I want to grow my own plants and herbs, make my own homemade sauces or something. 

Yeah, its called independent living and I fancy that at the moment. I guess that’s one of my future goals. 

I feel better, a tad better, and I hope I can slowly build up the confidence.

TC&Wassalam

Tired of vibe searching

I wish you knew how many times I kept watching different vlogs or creative videos, be it on Youtube or Instagram, just to find my voice. Or entice my vibe back to me because I felt weird and out of shape for the past months. 

I am DYING to be me again. This is a struggle.

I was so afraid of, I don’t even know what. But for sure I know I was holding myself back from being me.

These voices, of people around me. Those eyes, watching me. And if you know me well enough, you would know I hate preying for attention or disrespecting/offending anyone. So I am always making sure I obey to whatever existing rules that are laid out there. 

Last year was fun because one of my goals was to be daring. And I went all out, from socialising and meeting new people, to stepping out of my comfort zone. Maybe, I need this back in my life. I’ve sort of toned myself down and it doesn’t help that I always feel that I can’t be as good as my peers. I feel that Uni pressured me and tested my confidence, a million times more. Because Uni was the step before real world, at least for the industry I’m rooting for. And I hate this but I always compare myself with them.

/

I’m exhausted, and I wanna change now. It’s good that I have a camera now. Maybe, if I have the time, I’ll make my first ever vlog, which is something I have been wanting to do for some time. 

Please pray for me.

TC&Wassalam.

Cinta itu dusta ataupun aman sentosa

Cinta dan kasih sayang itu, umpama nak atau taknak sahaja. Bukan susah sebenarnya. Tiada istilah ataupun peraturan dalam arus cinta dimana kita terpaksa menghadapinya.

Tatkala kamu menemui gelombang yang parah dalam cinta, di situ kamu diuji erti cinta disisimu. Apakah cinta itu hanya sementara ataupon selama lamanya? Apakah cinta itu hanya di permukaan sahaja, atau pon kamu dengan ikhlas mencintainya?

Keindahan cinta dan kasih sayang tiada batasnya. Seperti ibu yang menjaga anaknya hingga tua, seperti kita yang membela kucing, walaubagaimana situasi mereka, seperti Tuhan yang membuka pintu keampunan keatas kita, insan yang sentiasa lupa dan alpa dalam hal keduniaan.

Tepuk dada kita, tanyakan apakah erti cinta bagi diri kita.

TC&Wassalam

Revival of Sab vibes

I feel like I am slowly loosing my vibe. I think mine got lost somewhere in the hoods of people’s vibes.

Maybe I lost my voice.

&

I think it’s revival time. I spent most of my time at home on Youtube, so I guess I found some videos that inspired me to, be myself.

The quirky me who loves colours and thrifted stuff.

I NEED MY VOICE BACK.
(And these two people deserves a standing ovation from me, for pushing me to be, me again!)

Youtube: leahsfieldnotes

Leah Youtube

(Snapshot of her YT channel video thumbnails)

I love the colours and her content explorations! You can tell by watching her videos that she makes raw stuff, so original, casual. She can look like a normal girl without character, but at times, she’s hot.

PLUS,

She does thrift hauls and she rocked them. This brings me back to the times I got the balls to just use colours and try my best to dress up. AND, she’s a graphic designer. Definitely, someone I can look up to for inspiration.

Youtube: YO’ HOMEGIRL

Screen Shot 2017-08-14 at 3.34.01 PM

LUV, 1AHV.

Okay, hold down;

Nope la, you are not gonna see me in bright hues all that. But, maybe this will help me start on design portfolio at the very least. And if these fuel me even more, I might come up with some personal projects to experiment, be it to make a zine, or a short film, a lookbook video. I don’t know yet. We’ll see.

TC&Wassalam

Tremendously uninspired

I have hit a plateau.

Something might have zapped the creative juices and energy out of me man. I feel SUPERBLY lazy and unmotivated to just start doing my portfolio, for goodness sake!

Whole freaking month of doing nothing, but eat and hitting the sack, or sticking my face to the laptop doing nothing but watching videos or surfing the net.

I

AM

DONE

.

Earth to me, please. I really need the portfolio done before I can actually look out for jobs.

I need a job, a glimpse of the real world, income to buy food and good stuff, and catching my dreams.

Unemployment sucks, but you know what? Laziness sucks even more!

Ok ok that aside, I am planning to write up a bit about design. You know, for the masses to take a thing or two, hopefully more about designing, with a PURPOSE. You do not space out alphabets for no reason guys. Please, do not follow what’s hyped about until you fully grasp it. In another words, do not take things for granted. Observe, and always question, why. Why. WHY!

Shit I need to really learn how to conduct workshops. I am dying to do it.

TC&Wassalam

Go jer

Slothed, and done slothing for the month. I know, some of my classmates have themselves landed on pretty good jobs, but I couldn’t just bring myself to re-edit my portfolio before sending in my resume to possible employers.

I want to get back on the grind, just get myself busy, learn new things, earn my own income, try to be an adult, buy more food importantly.

I have been holding in too much ambitions and goals and ideas, that I think it is time I make them happen. No more hanging around in my mind waiting for the clock to tick.

But awesome news, just collected my graduation gown, with the mortar board!! Do you know how proud I feel to have them with me when I had a little detour from my route home to have some me time at a Korean buffet?? Was secretly hoping a few might glanced at the gleaming mortar board and be like, “Oh she’s something. She’s graduating”. Hope only la.

Now I’m letting my body digest all the food I gobbled down earlier, and just rest. 

It’s time. I make a change. To this world. Bismillah. I know I’m so scared of what’s beyond. I’m too afraid to make the jump. I’m scared of failing. But I gotta do it. The modern Malays have this saying, “Go jer (Just do it), don’t scared!”

So let’s ‘Go jer!’

Tc&Wassalam

Grips


(Not mine)

What do you do when you’ve felt too much love, that you feel suffocated?

Or maybe you took things too fast?

Or maybe you sort of force things to happen when seemingly things are going good because you’re scared, that you’ll never feel like that again?

You let it go. Let go of that tight grip. 

Loosen it.

Let things fall in place naturally. Let God do His plans. 

Let love grow organically.

Because love won’t tell you to stop. Because it is about respect and tolerance, that love won’t nudge you, or psstttt you and tell you what’s going on. It is in the moment, when you reflect upon how you treat the love, that it’ll drop some hints. It’s in the gut feelings, deep down. 

Treat love with dignity, and justice. Know the true meaning of love and what it is based on. Go back to the roots of love and change. Change the way you’ve been treating love, while you can.

And as for me, love stems upon continuous effort of giving happiness to the loved ones. And if that means stepping out of my own norm, I will try my best. Never to change but to adapt.

TC&Wassalam